Okay. Ya'll asked for it. I think you guys must have ESP or something.
I picked up the kids at the apartment first. While I was at the apartment, the wife called my cell and asked if I was still at work. I told her I was already at the apartment. She was surprised to hear this because I didn't tell her that I was off. She said that she was already heading home and was going to offer to pick D7 from daycare. I told her that I got it and was already leaving to get her.
"Oh. Okay." She sounded a bit disappointed. She then tries to make some chit chat, that there is heavy traffic. I tell her that she is off extra early.
"I told you I was at training today."
We stay on the phone without really saying anything. I got the feeling like she was waiting for me to say something, like inviting for dinner or telling her we'll wait for her to get here or something. I didn't. Her phone made a noise and she asked, "Did you say something?" "No", I told her. I mean, a 30 second silence seems like forever on the phone. I told her to be careful getting to the apartment because people drive crazy and then she tells me to let the kids know she'll call them she gets home. I tell her okay and hang up. Last night, I had all the kids.
At home, I cooked up some burgers and tots. They want eat in front of the tv, so I give in.
B calls me and we talk for a while. She had called me earlier in the day, but I didn't answer it. She told me that she called me earlier crying because she was having a terrible day at work. I apologize for not answering and give her some excuse. We talk about my birthday coming up and also our friend whose BBQ we attended a few weeks ago. She has the same B'day. I tell her how my B'day last year sucked. The wife forgot about it, most everyone did except my parents. Christmas sucked for me last year too. I got a towel from my grandmother. That was it. I spent everything on the kids and the wife. My family spent everything on my kids, so it was ok, really.
But still nice to be remembered with something, no matter how small. I got the wife a GF to an exclusive salon for a massage and manicure and pedicure and some perfume.
I got zippo.
She is making plans for all the friends to get together for our B'day.
Somehow, my Christmas party comes up and how I don't want to attend, but my boss is insisting. I invited her to the party and she accepted. It just came out. We were talking about how my co-worker and our friend, N was going but with her BF, otherwise, we would be going as a group. B would have gone with N.
While on the phone, the wife calls. About 7. I answer it and she asks about the kids. I tell her we are eating dinner and she asks me to have them call her back.
After 15 minutes, I call her back and hand the phone to D11. She takes off to her room. I go through a box of Christmas stuff and find the angel.
Yup, she needs her wings hot glued again.
I see D7 talking on the phone after a while. D11 tells me that the wife is coming over. I say, "What?! Why?"
Turns out, D11 needed pads because she had been "on" and she ran out today. She didn't tell me, she told the wife and the wife had gotten some already and was going to bring them by. I debated on whether to call her back and tell her that I'll just go in town to get some, but then I thought, 'WTH? I always do the running around. I SHOULD make her come out here.'
Before D7 hangs up, I tell her to tell her mom to bring the hot glue gun.
She shows up at about 8:30. We are watching "Polar Express". She talks to the kids and goes to say hello to S14, who is in my room watching a video of "Friday the Thirteenth". I'm finishing up dishes and ask her if she ate already. She says she has. She also brought Moe, the little dog. She kind of comes over to me and asks me if I got her email. I tell her no, when did she send it? She says just before she left. I told her no, that I've been busy in the kitchen. Blah, blah, blah, talking to the kids, then we both help D7 finish her Snowman Project.
D7 starts her foolishness and is tired and not being cooperative. I tell her she needs to take a shower before bed and we both are talking to her. She is being very stubborna and the wife has to take her to the bathroom, because she is resisting me. I attempt to take her pony tail holder off and it pulls her hair a little and she just throws a fit. Now I look like a goof by hurting D7 and I'm looking at the wife like, "oh brother."
I'm getting uptight and impatient with D7. When she resists me, I usually just force her to move, even if I have to pick her up. She is going to do what I say. You know, the dad thing. The wife looks at me and sees my hands doing their thing. My nervous tick. I start to rub my finger tips and thumb together. She always made fun of me for it. It reminded her of her dad.
She looks at me and copies me. I tell her, "I can do it." She says, "I can do it, too." I can tell D7 is going with her, so I let her. After a few minutes, the wife comes out. I am in the kitchen, kind of upset. I can tell she is a little, too. She tells D11 and S14 goodbye and asks D11 to make sure and have D7 call her when she is done. I walk her to the door and tell her to be careful going home. She says goodnight and I just close the door.
I go over and check and she actually had sent an IM message that D11 told her she needed some more pads and might have staind her pants. If I could just wash them and not say anything because she was embarrassed and that she was going to come over later. That she will start every beginning of the month.
I also noticed she changed her pic. Her pic was from what she wore on Sunday. That morning, while I was on the board, her IM became available off and on. Then a note was showing if I wanted to view her webcam. I had never seen this before and didn't know if it meant that she was just ON her webcam or inviting me to look.
I have no idea how that stuff works. I debated and debated if I should hit the button next to her profile. I did hit it and then I saw that it was sending a request to her for me to look. I hit cancel and I think it did, and then she went unavailable. I figure she was just taking her pic for the profile and not really inviting me to look.
Or was she? Like I said, I don't have a webcam and don't know how that stuff works.
D7 comes out of the shower, stalls some more, but she is in a MUCH better mood after her shower. I get her to bed and call the wife on her apartment phone for her. No answer yet, so I call her cell. They talk for about 20 minutes. While they are talking, I notice that her IM didn't show she had gone off line, I responded to her. I told her that I had asked D11 in the morning if she was carrying her "things" in her backpack and she only told me yes. I also say that I should have asked her if she had enough and that that was my bad.
D7 finally gets off the phone and I go back to the bedroom to settle in for some tv and looking on the boards when she IM's me back.
This started a whole hour of IMing. Initially, I wanted her to realize that we have different ways of dealing with D7's drama. She has her way and I have mine. We got that squared away and then she says she forgot to ask me earlier if I can pick up the kids on Tuesday.
She has an appointment with an attorney?
I send back a ?.
Turns out that she is going to Laredo to meet with a probate attorney. She says she met with one here, but was told that since her dad passed away in Laredo, she needs to contact one there. This started rest of the conversation.
A little of whats going on there. How she cries herself to sleep when the girls are not there. How I have my moments when they aren't with me. About doing stupid things. I think I made a comment about who knows WHAT I might have done by now if it wasn't for the kids. She tells me to not be negative. How life is too short.
She knows that I've considered ending it all before because of our crap.
We talk about how we did a good job with our kids. How wonderful they are. I correct her and tell her that I meant that it was the kids that allowed me to become who I am now. How she misses her dad and still cries for him. I ask her if she is crying right at that moment. She say yes, of course she is. I tell her to stop wiping her eyes with shirt and go get tissues because I know her. She laughs back and says its her buggers, acutally. Then corrects herself and says boogers or however the hell she's supposed to spell it. I laugh back. I say how we become like our parents, but we have the power to change things, too. I give her examples of changes in me. How I let S14 drive part of the way home today. She told me she let him drive to the house on Monday, when they came over.
Then I tell her that I should let her go, because she is probably busy. Her posts are being spaced longer apart. She says she is mopping and cleaning. That she usually doesn't eat when the kids aren't there, but she made herself some chicken because she was bored. I sent back that I asked her if she ate already and that she told me she already had, so I called her a mentirosa. She lauged back and said she was cleaning up the mess she made BEFORE she came to the house and called me silly.
We finish the conversation with her telling me to give the kids a big hug and kiss tomorrow. She will try to call in the morning. I tell her I will give them extra big hugs and kisses. She tells me goodnight and I tell her goodnight, too.
I guess thats why I didn't post last night. I just know that I'm going to be looked down on.
I know that everyone is slapping their foreheads and telling themselves how stupid I am. Saying that whatever sh*thole that I'm in, I have put myself in. Ya'll may decide to not even post to me anymore.
And I would completely understand. I'm puting myself out there as usual. Under my circumstances, I'm doing the best I can.
I guess I must be just as weak as the wife is.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
OK, the smileys on the side of our thread titles all had shades on...you, me and lis. We were all in a row. lol
As for last night you did pretty good until getting on line with her. I think the thing that you keep forgetting is that you are doing the rope dropping for your sanity, for your marriage, for her to feel what it is like without you, for her to understand the gravity of her choices. Drop the darn rope and throw it as far as you can. You feel the difference. Picture it in your mind.
Well you knew this was coming too, you let the vulture get a piece of you. B is not a friend of your marriage. She wants you big guy. As nice as that may feel, it is not what a married man needs, period. I don't know what it is going to take for you to get that, but you NEED to. No more chit chat, because to her it is not chit chat, it means more. ACTIONS speak volumes over words. Fell free to pick up the 2x4 and give yourself a couple whacks because I don't think I am hitting hard enough.
We care about you and we want you to save your marriage but you need to do the actions necessary to do that. We can't do it for you.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I don't have time to post right now, but you can imagine what it will say. Ultimately, though, if you take my eventual post and wring it out, it it would look like Puppy's and Kat's.
We so much want the best for you. I'll come back tomorrow probably. I almost posted to you this morning blasting you because I just KNEW......when you don't post right away it is usually because of B.
The cam thing....she was on her cam. If she doesn't change her settings, it will show that every time she is. She could have been caming to someone else or taking her picture. And, she saw that you wanted to see her cam. That doesn't go away.
Be back later, and my one suggestion for you is to uninvite B letting her know how INAPPROPRIATE it is for you, a married man, to go with another woman to a party when you are fighting for your wife, AND you don't want to lead her on.
The opening and ending line to the song "Into the Void". Nine Inch Nails.
"tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away"
I am just a messed up person now and I certainly don't deserve to have friends like ya'll that care about me so much.
I'm not the same person that I was before my sitch began. Now I'm not the same person I was after my sitch began. I was messed up when this crap started and now I'm a different kind of messed up.
I'm frustrated, in more ways than one. I'm hurt. I'm scared. I'm impatient. I'm lonely. I'm jealous. I'm envious. I'm confused. I'm happy most of the time now. I'm tired. I'm full of life. I'm a caring person. I'm broke. I'm a great dad and at the same time, a terrible dad. Just like I'm a great husband, and a sh*tty one. I'm up. I'm down. I'm a great friend.
I'm sorry. I'll get better.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
