When I have the girls, everyday is a busy one. Crazy mornings, busy evenings getting dinner, homework, dishes, showers. Definately keeps me busy.
When talking to the wife, hard to find that happy medium of just being non-chalant and rude.
She never called last night and so I figured she would call this morning, but she didn't. She must have just too much going on or she's having a little pity party like I do when the girls don't call me before bed. Difference is that she TELLS me that she is going to call, and then didn't. Not the first time.
I have the day off today. I plan on going through the storage and bringing out any winter clothes and the Christmas decorations. I won't get the tree this weekend, like I thought, but maybe the next Sunday, when I pick them up again. It'll be like giving the wife a zinger. We've been going to pick out real tree's together for the last 14 years.
Been thinking about her again. I had a weird dream last night. Don't really remember it, but I know she was in it. I know I keep WANTING her to contact me, but, of course, I know she won't.
How dumb is that?
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
Not dumb...you love her. We alll know this. She is the one that doesn't know a darn thing about love.
Do you like busy family life? I really do. I love the bustling of getting my son off to school. Having him give me a big hug and kiss, and seeing his little legs climb up the bus and go off to school. I love him getting home with his backpack flying and his words flying at me just the same. Eating dinner together, laughing, having to tell him a million times to get back in bed, etc. Love it.
I wouldn't want you to be rude to your wife on the phone. I was just thinking maybe instead of initiating conversation, you just don't. She doesn't with you. All about the kids.
Yes, it's good that she feels what you feel when the kids don't call. She's not reminding them over and over to call YOU. Anyway, you are too busy having fun with them to worry about that. Not your job.
I know you want her to contact you. But, it's probably best if she doesn't right now. If she calls, unless it is to tell you she's done with the OM, she will suck you into a nice conversation which does nothing for you and does EVERYTHING for her. Relieves her guilt, makes it all okay in her mind.
The tree. Christmas. Yes, this will hit her. Be prepared. What are you going to do if she wants to spend it all together....FOR THE KIDS? She will want to cake eat here. What will you do? The kids will love getting the tree with you and decorating it, etc. Make it fun. Maybe do some new traditions. We strung cranberries and popcorn this year...really fun.....got some snow spray for the windows....really fun......decorated the whole house up, greenery on the railings, ribbon, etc. The house looks like someone puked up Christmas all over it...I love it!!!
I also love the family stuff. I have to tell D7 at least 6 times to get to bed. She is such a staller. Dinner time...we used to always eat in front of the tv. About 5 years ago, the wife and I decided that dinner time would always be at the dinner table and we would discuss the day. I try to keep that going.
Waking up sleepy heads in the morning is the best, too. Thats always been my job. I love waking them up. The the mornings go crazy, rushing, hurrying them up, getting them to eat, getting breakfast done, making lunches, brushing D7's hair and puting it in a pony tail. She likes that way I put it in a "high" pony.
Not being rude, I just don't want to come off as rude by not engaging in conversation. To me, thats rude. I know that a pet peave of hers is to be rushed off the phone.
When we talk on the phone, she does try to initiate a conversation. I have a bad habit of responding and then continuing it.
And I know she doesn't remind them to call me. Thats why I don't remind them.
I've been thinking of just asking her if she wanted to have Christmas Eve or Christmas day. I think that would be the easiest way to let her know that it will be separate this year. If she offers to have it together, I'll just tell her that I think it would be better this way and leave it at that. She won't ask me to elaborate.
I'll do up Christmas again. Lights outside on the trees and house. All of our traditional stuff inside. The kids take turns every year puting the angel on top of the tree. I think it is D7's turn this year.
The angel is a cheap tree topper that I bought at a grocery store on first Christmas the wife and I spent together. She had nothing and I had nothing. All I had were my clothes. I left everything with the ex-wife. We had gotten all of our decorations from a second hand store and a discount store called Macfrugals. We had forgotten the tree angel for the top, so I had to get it last minute. She was beautiful for being inexpensive. I have kept it as a reminder of what we started with. The kids have wanted us to change it, but I have resisted. Every year, the wife has had to hot glue the wings back on her, and one year, we painted her clothes a different color.
I love that Angel. Tears are welling up in my eyes right now.
This holiday is going to be hard. The kids will be with her that Christmas week. I'm praying and praying that Christmas might do something for us this year.
But I think I know better.
Originally Posted By: beej
The house looks like someone puked up Christmas all over it...I love it!!!
Classic. Classic.
Last edited by hopeful4her; 12/04/0802:42 PM.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
I always thought that dinner table time was important, too. We do the same thing at our house. I look back at my childhood and realize as I got older that that was some of the only times I had to talk to my parents (busy teen with sports and schoolwork, personal life, etc.).
You may want to think more about the Christmas thing and how to respond. Why hope she doesn't elaborate? Tell her why. "I can't have a marriage with you when you are with T. Spending holidays together is part of a marriage and a marriage can't have 3 people in it." When she gets snotty just say, "You know I wouldn't want anything more than have you choose our marriage. But, I can't pretend we have a happy separated family. It is not happy." You don't want her to think that you don't want the together Christmas because it is too hard on you, you want her to know that you don't want the shared Christmas because you aren't going to pretend that T doesn't exist anymore. I know you don't want to rock the boat at holiday time....but really think about this. Pray about this.
Christmas may do something for you guys. Believe me, you and your wife's names are in my prayers EVERY day. Do not give up hope.
(((H4H))) you are doing good. I'm going to need you to help me do the same. Drop by my thread and give me some advice when you get the chance. I need it.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Well you know you are famous for these long deatailed post of practically everyday, so when you don't post we all begin to wonder what happened! So anything?
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
