The Soap Suds are out of the tub.

[MT35]

I would love to feel 61, a cold front 72 to 68....Cold front here...18!

I am ok, not much to say on me being unavailable. Last night Thursday night football, H got here at 7:00 left at 10:00. He started to say something about my friends Sister that works at the store, that her food shop has been shut down by the owner. I said something, like she had some stuff to say about you. I didn't go into anything, H said something about you know how some people are. I told him my friend didn't want to tell me anything.

When he left I got a hug and a kiss. I guess I should have not been home when he got there, but I didn't really want to be anywhere else. LOL.

Talked to H this morning, he called me on his way to work. Said what are you doing up? H knows I am always up at 5:00 no matter if I work or not. I like to get up early on my days off better, cause I have so much I want to do. This working 4 days makes it much easier to go to work the 4 days I do go.

Talked to a friend at work and we may go to the movies this weekend to see 4 Christmases. I had said I might go by myself, she said no you don't want to do that!

I have been reading on the thread that WC talked about earlier, there has been a bunch of stuff on there that is me to a "T". I really need to take it to heart. Same things yall tell me.

have a great Friday. HAVE TO WRITE MY PAPER TODAY!!! Due tomorrow, but then I am done until January!

[MT35]

T- I will say better than reasonably! I am off today, the sun is out...sorta, and I have all the things I need! Everything else is just extra frosting! But you know I do love that extra frosting!

[kelaaron]

T-I too am better that resonably! I am happy. With me and that is so important. I hope you are too.

Mt skipped your long post cuz i have to jump in shower but wanted to say have a good day.

[Babygirl]

hey neighbor! yes its cold!! yuck! ah dont beat yourself up for last nite, glad you had fun. you will have to see what i did last nite, dinner with H OW and the boys. interesting. weird, but she cried i didnt lol!
get to work on that paper girlie!
i hope you go see the movie, i want to go this weekend, but have to get my buck first lol!

[MT35]

I forgot, H did say he went and looked at a trailer yesterday, a guy is graduating from college this month and is selling it. H said he liked it, was wanting $12,000 for it but keeps dropping.

H asked me if I had been going to Wal Mart at 2 and 3 in the morning. I said NO, why? Some guy at his work has seen my mustang there. H said with white stripes? The guy said yeah, and asked what my personalized tag said, (it is a horse thing). So I don't know if this guy is Fing with H or trying to F things up with me. Pissed me off, there is another green mustang with white stripes in town, I haven't seen it but H has. Just pisses me off. I said well you know it isn't me. H didn't say anything really.

[MT35]

Yes, BG- Very cold. Just read about your night! You did a damn awesome. You are so very tough, for a BG!!! LOL. Stay warm! Wish I had more words of wisdom for you! Other than, be true to your heart!

[Babygirl]

well mt, we know you werent there, it is kinda funny it makes H nervous tho isnt it? you should be mad, but its not you.

[MT35]

Hey All- Paper is done and submitted. YIPPEE!

The last couple of days not sure what to think, spent Friday together just like we always have, the bank, and mexican for supper. I wasn't very talkative on Friday. Just feel like why are you here, you have your nice family waiting for you. Everything was nice, we sat and watched movies on the couch, he started to mess with me some, but he said do you want me to stop. I said I don't care. Which I guess is true I didn't really care at that point.

Last night, I decided about 6 to go to the mall over in MO. and did some shopping, there is a Steve and Barry's that is going out of business, and I have a gift card from last year that I won when they opened, really sad, they are closing cause they have such great prices! So I went there and then to TJ Maxx. Got gas for $1.54!! I was only gone about 2 hours, but still had to proof read one of my study groups paper, so I came home and did that.

H came over around 9:00, said he heard some stuff on the scanner and wasn't sure where it was at, so he said he would come check on me. A couple of nights ago, there were some people out by the end of the driveway talking, I would say road hunters, but I had asked were the mag bullets for the rifle were (they make a louder noise than the regular ones) No I am not going to shoot anyone, but I will shoot into the air to make a point! So he found them for me, and then he through clay pigeons in the air for me to try to hit with the rifle in the dark, no I hit NOTHING! LOL.

So he said he heard the stuff on the scanner and wanted to check on me. I told him I hadn't been home very long and had just made some chicken, with french fried onions as the crust, very good. H asked what was in MO? I said nothing. He kept asking if I was OK, he said it looked like I was going to cry, I said no I am fine. Well I was tired, H knows I haven't been sleeping the best, and I keep dozing off on the couch during the movie we were watching. H asked me again what I went to MO for, I said I just went to Steve and Barry's. H said who did you go with, I said no one. I think he was surprised.
H keeps saying go to bed, I will lay down with you. I said no you don't need to do that. After I dozed some more, I finally said OK, I said do you want me to turn on the heated mattress on your side, H said no, I would fall asleep and then be late for work, I said no my alarms are on you wouldn't be late.

We lay there for a while, and he got up to pee, and then went to leave. I said you going? H said yeah, It doesn't feel right to lay there. I said Why? H said I don't know. I am not sure how I put it, but it was to say, oh you feel right sleeping other places. H said NO, I don't feel right anywhere, I have no where to go. I said, this is your home, You are always welcome here. H said I know, but just doesn't feel right. H said I will see you tomorrow probably. I said OK. I got up to turn off the lights (I forgot to put my chicken and rice away..dang it), H gave me a kiss and a hug, and I went back to bed.

H had said he was going to call me Sat morning on his way to work but was hoping I was sleeping and didn't want to wake me up. So this morning, I was thinking about him so I figured I would just call and tell him that.

H seemed really happy to hear from me. Told him I am sorry he feels like he has no where to go. We talked some, said he was going to call but was hoping I was sleeping. I said you know better than that! We talked and sat in silence for about 10 min, while he walked into the plant and punched in. I told him I need to go to start getting decorations out. H said I will see you tonight. (chiefs game)

I know this is his doing, but I feel bad for him. I know that is terrible. I try the being unavailable, but not doing the best job at that. I am just confused too, I guess.

[1hope]

Good Morning MT, just coming by to share a (((((MT))))) and some coffee, or coffee for me and cocoa for you?

Hang in there sunshine. I am happy that you got your paper done. I was worried that you might let school slide with all of the hard stuff going on. I am very proud of you. Not sure I could have done the same.

I also wanted to tell you that one of the things I noticed when my H had his A, was that he suddenly began to feel like I also might be lying/and/or cheating. He even was distrustful of me being on the computer! In a way, it can be a good sign because it shows that he still cares. And he is thinking. He wonders why you might be at Walmart at 2/3 am. He didn't have a lot to say about it, because he knows he has no room to really question. Don't defend yourself, or get mad. You can make this work for you. State the truth calmly, it isn't you at Walmart at 3am, and let it go. Let him wonder if he will. You can get some use out of something that you haven't even done.

Well, H is out plowing and will be at it most of the day today. We have a lot of commercial and several Church accounts, so when we get snow on Sat. night it keeps him busy on Sunday. I think I am going to put up my Christmas tree today. If I have any energy left I might bake some cookies. Which reminds me, do you have a good recipe for pecan rolls? You know, the carmel sweet roll type? I've been looking for a good one, and know that you are an awesome baker...thought I'd ask.

Love you!

[1hope]

Well we crossed again! It's kind of neat that I imagine we are having coffee and talking together, and we really are!

He is thinking about you, and the scanner thing shows that he truly cares. It's sad that he feels like he doesn't belong, but that is his guilt. It's also very telling that he doesn't want to stay with her. If he love her they would be together and make a family. He doesn't want that.

TJMaxx is my favorite store. I almost went yesterday, but restrained myself. Just got groceries and went to Walmart.

I'll be thinking of you and will check back in. Be strong.