{{Amy}} Well gee..that's fair..can I eat it and not get the calories either? LOL! I hope it's good..it sounds good anyway, so we'll see Turns out son and daughter are also going with me to the dinner, so that will be nice too.
{{SMW}} I like that part of the song too about "dontcha"..LOL..if only I really felt that way about myself..I have to get my "Tude" going
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
OK..just had an interaction with hub and I wanted to get you guy's opinion on how I did..be honest..and I'll steel myself for any 2 x 4's.
Hub came home, and asked if I looked at the bank statement yet(we got paid today) and I said, "yeah, but how much of that will be gone", cause he's working all of his overtime to start saving money away, whatever..and he tells me the amount and I was like "oh, ok" because I really wanted to tell him that the $100 I had to pay to go to the lawyer needed to come from him, but son was in the room with us and I couldn't at the time.
So, when hub went downstairs, I followed and said "well I was thinking the $100 I have to pay for the lawyer fee should come from you, not me"..he said "well really I was going to take $100 more than I told you because I figured that", and I was like "ok because I didn't want to spend that money" and he said, "I'll cover this but I won't cover all the lawyer fees" and I said, "you should because I don't want any of this" and then I asked how he paid for his fee (none had come out of the account) and I asked if he had finally started his own account, which he said he did (sigh) and I just asked that he should let me know that he did it because when money would go out I'd like to know why, tho he already told me it was his plan to open one. He stated again that he wouldn't do anything without talking to me about it first and I said that was good because it was the right thing to do.
Then he said, again, that we needed to come up with some agreement (the sep agreement he talked about last week) and I just calmly said, "write it up and I'll take a look at it" and he just said, "I will" and then I left and went back upstairs and he left to go back to work.
Merry Christmas to all eh? LOL..ok..I felt pretty good about not freaking out about any of it..but hit me with your best shot
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
I think you did fine...if you were calm and matter of fact like you sounded that's about the best you can do in the sitch! Now, leave it at that!!!
My inclination is always to follow up later with questions or something. Like the phone call to him this morning about his family. He knew it was coming cause I always do that. I do fine initially and then I think of things I should have asked or said or something, and I follow up!! Lately, I've done that less, and the follow up hasn't been ugly like it used to be. But, I still do it! That's my new goal...I'm going to stop following up!!!
If you can keep from doing that, you'll be fine!!! I know it sucks...I've had longer to get used to my sitch and my heart still aches, remember?
You are doing so well! Your outlook on life is very positive, and I see great things in your future...I hope your H will get his head out of his butt in time to share them with you!!!
Love you, Tawnya!!! Amy
Me 39 H 36 S 7 S 4 T 15 M 12 H out 8/1/08 OW confirmed 8/6/08 D final on 6/12/09...I'm doing good!
That was great. He should pay for it because he wants it. I think you stood your ground and let him know that you aren't asking for this.
His other account, well he'll have to disclose that anyway. So I wouldn't worry too much about that right now; so long as he's helping with the household needs.
You were also right in keeping the convo short and to the point. Let him see a little reality.
From what I could tell by your description....you were fearless!! These kind of talks have to happen. My advise to you now...let the Ls do their job. Also do not mention any more legal "chit chat". Your "job" is mom/wife/etc....not Perry Mason! Legal talk at home leads to anger! Trust me...
H 34 W 31 M 11yrs D 11 D 9
6-1-08 I wanted to fix marriage 6-11-08 I found out about OM
{{{Amy}}} Thank you my friend and cheerleader..the following up thing has always been my thing..so NOT doing that has been one of the TOUGHEST parts of this whole thing..so thank you for the "you did good"..I appreciate it
Aww {{{Tom}}} Thank you my friend..I appreciate that "good job" and, coming from you, that means a lot..cause you do GREAT in your interactions!
{{Carp}} Fearless..I'll TAKE that description thank you Yeah, I'm not doing "squat' about it until hub comes to me with some kind of sep agreement..I'm not taking any steps toward that. You are right, my job, right now, is "mom/myself" since the wife thing is not in existence right now..but definitely so! Yeah, I don't like the legal talk anyway, so I don't want to deal with it!
Thank YOU all..I appreciate so much your input and letting me know I did okay..this is one of the first interactions about this stuff that I actually came away from feeling pretty good about it..and I came on here pretty close after it was done or else I'd have forgotten some stuff..LOL..so that's basically how it went down
Amy..by the way, dinner was very yummy..sadly we got there after everyone had sat down, so I basically had dinner with my kids, LOL, but a few other people around too..so we had a good time and very good food and didn't have to pay for it..so a good night for sure and it came at a good time after the convo!
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
Well, I hope you ate for me!!! I'm glad it went well. Now, we just need to get you some other activities in the works...I'll keep thinking about that and "encouraging" you to think about it too!!!
Love you! Amy
Me 39 H 36 S 7 S 4 T 15 M 12 H out 8/1/08 OW confirmed 8/6/08 D final on 6/12/09...I'm doing good!
Yes..I had cheesecake for you..split it with my daughter, but that was for you
I think I definitely want to aim at trying to go back to school in January, at least take a few classes, I'm not sure what I want to take, and I want to try to figure that out, but that's definitely one direction I'm headed!!
Also, a friend of mine and I have been trying to catch up with each other and have been playing phone tag, talked to her for a few tonight, so hopefully I can get up with her soon for lunch or coffee or something..but I want something more "permanent" like classes or dance lessons or something to get into!
I am working this weekend both days, so that will be my non-GAL/GAL activity mostly LOL..that and grocery shopping FUN! (not)
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
You know, I don't know how you do it. I think I would go crazy if my H was still living here. You've got a H still at home, I've got a H who has moved out but who I talk to everyday, and Beth has a H who moved out but who she hardly ever talks to. I don't know which situation is worse.
But I can imagine detachment is the hardest for you, my friend. I have to say, the fact that you seem to have such a PMA amidst all of this, well, you are one tough cookie!
Hey, I see that you're going to take some classes too! Good for you! I saw the counselor at the school today, and once I can get my transcripts sent over from the other school I went to, it looks like I only need a couple of classes to finish up my GE, then it's time to settle on a new major and get moving toward transering to a state university for a bachelor's degree.
I was worried all the classes I took oh so long ago wouldn't still count, but they DO! YAY! And under some provision called "academic renewal", I can get rid of a couple of F's I got because I got too busy at work (was working full-time) and didn't even manage to drop the class, so instead of a withdraw, I got the F. That will bring my GPA up, so I'm really happy about that. So, great news overall! I'm looking forward to spring semester!
Hope you get a good night's sleep Tawnya! (((hugs)))
Me: 38 H: 41 M: 12 D12, S10 H began EA: 7/08 H moved out: 9/30/08 Bomb (sleeping with OW): 10/23/08
My story: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1638048&page=2#Post1638048
{{Love}} I was reading that line about who has it worse and I was thinking, "basically..all the scenarios suck" LOL..but thank you..I often wonder who has it tougher and I think we all have it about the same, just in different degrees eh?
I'm SO glad that all of your classes still count, that is fantastic and you must be thrilled!! I'm still a ways away from mine, but I want to get back in there and do SOMETHING..and I love school, always have Congrats on getting to drop some of those "bad classes" and bringing up your GPA..what a great blessing for you all of that info is..so are you taking anything exciting?
Actually, I had a crummy night's sleep..but oh well..whatcha gonna do? I had too much tea late at night and I think the caffeine kept me awake LOL!
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
Turns out son and daughter are also going with me to the dinner, so that will be nice too.