i like you will not make the lawyers richer. At this stage H and i have decided to sit tight and will do so unless things turn ugly. They may but I know in my heart of hearts i would never take anything from him that was important or needed or what he wanted.
I believe it is less traumatic for everyone......but I hope your W is also playing the fair game.
Hey S, you are ok in my book. A rare breed. Doing the right thing is never wrong. You are setting the very best example for your kids. And you can go to bed at night knowing you have nothing to be ashamed of. That goes a long way.
Hi SPM - Thanks for all your past posts. Somedays turning on the computer and checking for your advice kept me going.
I feel very different today than I did 3 months ago. Hoping to of turned a corner. Fingers crossed. i can understand the GAL idea much better and I think I am letting go ( well today anyways )
My appetite is returning and I am smiling. I will go to girls poker night on Friday night for the first time in ages and I will go out with friends on Saturday night for the first time as a single person.
i have no intentions of meeting anyone, as i think time will be on my side and I need to be in a healthy position to Db.
My thoughts and prays go out to you. i envy your W her H. She has no idea what she is losing.
Mof3, Sweet - glad to hear you are seeing the sunshine break through the clouds. I gotta say, the stuff you describe, I had the same sort of gradual re-awakening you did. Mine did not involve "poker with the girls", but .. heh heh, but you know what I mean. Getting out and being independent is good for you. Hard but in a good way. I learned that being alone does not mean I need to become bitter or resentful. I can feel lonely without becoming bitter.
BM and HM and GG, - thanks for the words of support. You know there are a bunch of people who think I am nuts, including my best friend. Legally disarming - basically I am not playing the game as anyone expects. I am apt to tick off the judges, the evaluators, and everyone else. But you know, for myself, it's the principle of the thing. I don't like divorce attorneys, I don't like what they do, I don't like the system, and I won't participate.
Imagine you are walking through a city park at night and you are approached by a would-be mugger. There are some people who say - fight that sonofagun, scratch him and don't give him your watch and wallet. and if you have a gun, use it on him. I'm one of those people who cannot imagine shooting a person over the contents of my wallet. If he really wants my wallet, he can have it.
It's almost the same thing here. Or am I deluding myself? I don't really look at it as a personal attack. I think of it as a person lashing out and not really caring or seeing what she destroys or disrupts.
Once when I was 15 or so, my pet dog got his chain caught on a small sapling. We had chained him up too close to a small tree, and he got wrapped around it, and started to choke himself. He was obviously in distress, and I ran to help him, to loosen the chain and free him. He bit me so hard, I will never forget it. I thought I would lose my finger. I felt his teeth on my bones. This was a family pet, the nicest dog you ever wanna see.
Well how does that happen? How could he be so vicious? Easy: he was in great distress. I was trying to help him, but he didn't see it. He lashed out.
I turned back, found a towel, and ran to him again. I covered his head in the towel, and then freed him. Freed, he instantly stopped struggling. In a few moments he was as cheerful as ever. I was never afraid of him after that. He never bit another person, ever.
Ha! I don't mean to compare my wife to a dog! No, really! But the point is, in times of distress, people can do different things.
She's in a tough spot. I cannot cover her head and free her - though I tried my darndest. At this point I have to tend to myself and wait and see about her. In the meantime I will love my kids the best way I know how.
Today I have the kids. It is early saturday - they are all still sleeping. My daughter (10) wants to make some kind of pastry puffs, so I guess I will be doing some baking! Going out shopping for some skis for my 12-yr old son - a delayed birthday gift for him. Also the oldest needs a new winter coat, so that is on the list. And some last minute Christmas shopping. I'm looking forward to all that.
Oh, I wanted to say - last night I had a blast with the kids. They all wanted to wrestle and horse around - I think they don't get enough outside time these days. So basically we had a 5-way tickle fight going on for about 30 minutes. I am 200lbs, but my six year old can completely incapacitate me by tickling my feet. No joke. And the boys, who are bigger - well let's say I have to be very agile to avoid their tickle attacks.
We all hung out and snuggled while we watched a movie, and then went to bed kinda early.
heh heh, but you know what I mean. 
I don't mean to compare my wife to a dog! No, really! But the point is, in times of distress, people can do different things.