Guys...chime in

[lovehimso]

Thank you Puppy, both for actually trying to get through my long-winded posts and for responding to them. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your input.

1) SO MUCH DRAMA!!! Did you get my message, yes I did, why didn't you call me back, etc. WHATEVER!!! Just say something like "Oh, did you call? I'm sorry, I must have missed it, and move on!

Got it! I think I need to write down your suggestions to me as to what to say in certain situations on a notecard and keep in in my wallet to practice when I have a few extra minutes somewhere!

2) You're obviously projecting on the upcoming convo, but I can empathize with your anxiety. I think if he says he wants a divorce, you should say "Well, that's not what I want, but if you do, I guess you have to do what you feel you have to do." That's straight DBing, and I agree with it.

I know I shouldn't project, but it's like my mind goes there of it's own accord. Any suggestions for how to not do that? Again, need to pull out the notecards!

You need to project a sense of "I'll be OK either way." If you come across as even half as anxious and needy as you do in these latest posts, then he's going to pick up the wrong message from you.

Okay, I'll do my best "self-talk" tomorrow and pump myself up for this convo. "I WILL be okay either way. I don't NEED him, even if I do WANT him. He has to do what he has to do." Anything I should add?

You both spend a lot of time sniffing each other's butts, IMHO. There's a certain immaturity to it; that's not a knock -- just an observation. He does act like he still loves you, and he seems to react well when you detach (by pursuing you).

By "sniffing each other's butts", do you mean, trying to figure out what the other person "really" means by what they say? If that's what you mean, you're absolutely right. Knock away! We both do that. Always have. And you're right, it does reek of immaturity, and even more of insecurity, I think. H and I are both pretty insecure people.

And not to be insecure here (ha ha!), but can you identify for me WHY you think he still loves me? From a guy's POV, what behaviors is he displaying that indicate love? Curious about this...

And I have noticed the same thing. When I have managed to detach on a few rare occasions, he has called and called and called. Once, he even showed up on my doorstep when I didn't answer his calls.