Haha! I've been good! It's nice to have been missed. You all are so kind. I thought about you all regularly.
Today's thought on perseverance: He conquers who endures. ~Persius
I thought of this last night as I was sitting alone, after I brought the kids back to her. I thought - I must endure. I'm lonely but I'll get through this. And I'll hold my head high and I'll act honorably and do it for my kids. I may not "conquer" in the traditional sense, but I will endure, I will last.
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Ahh, the holidays! Thanksgiving, Christmas break, New Year's. A time of great joy, but also it can be a time of particular difficulty for someone who is facing a family breakup, the loss of a dream, the loss of a partner. I feel for all of you. I know what it is like, I know how hard it is. All I can tell you is: the feeling of loss does not last forever. The devastating hurt does not last forever. You must endure. You will get through it. It's hard now, but it won't be that way forever. No matter how bad you feel, know that there are many who have gone before you. You can do it. It's not easy and you have to workhard. But you can do it. And when you feel particularly down, call a friend, call me, call anyone - for help. People want to be there for you. People will be glad to help.
Today I am personally thankful for:
flirting - a female exec at work - someone much more senior than me - was flirting with me today. I would not have noticed (oblivious) but another female friend pointed it out to me. Of course, I am DBing, so I will not entertain thoughts of responding. But it's nice to be noticed, even for the superficial stuff. A confidence booster.
hard stuff - today I had a hard conversation with one of my people, about his demeanor at work. He was showing his displeasure publicly and his displays were affecting other people, younger people. Team morale can be infectious. He is a smart guy, a senior guy, and I really expect more from him. It could have been an ugly conversation but it turned out quite positively. I sat with him and told him what I saw, and what I would like to see from him. This is one of those kinds of conversations that with a spouse in a difficult marriage, could turn ugly and defensive real quick. But in this case I watched myself, and it went well. I didn't criticize. I didn't use "you" statements. I was able to say the difficult stuff, and he was able to take it as intended. At first he did not like it at all; his initial reaction was (naturally) to defend and deny and even strike back. But I watched myself, stayed patient, stayed in control, did not back off, did not get defensive myself, stayed constructive. "What can we do to address this?" And... it worked! Work relationships are intimate, to a degree, and are subject to similar stresses as personal relationships. Work relationships are not nearly as close, of course, but there are similar dynamics in some cases. anyway I was glad to be able to have this productive conversation. I can imagine having a tough conversation like that in a personal relationship. Can imagine, but of course it is not in the offing anytime soon.
sweet memories - my son, 12 yrs old, got a puppy. The (stbx) wife moved into a different house that allows pets. (my place does not allow it). Son asked for his bday money early so he could get the puppy. Of course I agreed. The dog is so cute. He brought him over to my place last night for a visit. My son told me he wants his dog to "get to know me." Awesome! Little things like that, they go a long way. Anyway we rolled around with the puppy for a couple hours. She's so cute and I am glad to be able to help my boy get this pet. For my previous visit with the kids - 2 of the four were in tears when I picked them up from stbx. These are young people, so that kind of thing happens. But it was a little concerning. Anyway I comforted both of them, turned them around. I did not deny their feelings or criticize. I was able to listen to them, hear their complaints. In the end, just voicing their troubles helps them feel better. It's cool. I just listen and empathize. I miss that. Miss being able to do that every day. This time the kids were in a very silly mood. Two of them dressed up in my clothes and shoes and ran around the house pretending to be someone else. I wear a size 12 shoe, so they looked ridiculous walking around in my suitjacket and dress shoes. They had a riot and I just smiled and watched. They kept changing clothes and shoes. When it was time to go my 10-yr old daughter told me to stand up straight, and then she ran and surprise! jumped right into my arms. It was fun. These are the kids I abuse.
