I know in my gut that I will be okay if H divorces me and never looks back. I have some sort of survivor light or something deep inside me and I always make it through things. That said, it is not what I want. I do not want to accept it even as a possibility.
I agree that fear is part of what keeps me clinging to hope for reconciliation but there is more to it than that. I know I will have a full life with or without him. I am working to ensure that.
Cot..is THAT what it is!! LOL..I had a crummy day yesterday!
{{{{Beth}}}}} My friend...I hope you are feeling better now and I am believing and praying that tomorrow will be a better day for you When's the next horseback lesson?
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
@Tawnya: I have no idea what's up with Tues./Wed., but there are a few others out there that suffer from the same phenomenon near the mid-week mark. Instead of "hump" day, it's more like "valley" day for a bunch of us...
But knowing this is a good thing. You get to plan way ahead to do some extraordinary GAL'ing (group dinner, yoga class, tango/salsa lessons, etc.).
You can never plan ahead far enough. I'm already in the trenches planning out Christmas and New Years! I suggest everyone to start now if they haven't done so already! That's right! I'm pointing at you, whoever's reading this!
- Me = 32 y/o - WAW = 32 y/o - M = 2.5 yrs, T = 12.5 yrs - No kids - Bomb, WAW moved out, D filed = 8/15/08
Thank you so much for checking on me. I am always touched by the kindess shown to me here by people, including you.
I did get away from the boards some but I spent a lot of time reading in the MLC forum, too. I thught H might be in MLC when I first came here, then sort of dropped that notion, but I am leaning that way again.
Strangely, it gives me comfort and tonight is the first night since this whole nightmare started that I finally feel a little free. Not saying I have suddenly achieve detachment. Just feel a little free. Something about the notion of it being MLC has allowed me to set myself free from the idea that I must save H, or that I even can save him for that matter.
I hope this feeling lasts and grows. Think it will ebb and flow a bit, but I am going to enjot it tonight.
Thanks again. Been keeping current on your thread. Sorry I have not posted to you in a while.
Glad to see you here tonight Beth. Been thinking about you.
I am glad to see that you are able to feel a little relief from the worry about your H and the fact that you can't do anything to help him. I know how much you worry about him, especially his health, both mental and physical. Remember, only HE can help himself. I have to keep reminding myself of that with my H, too, when it comes to his addiction issues.
I think ALL of this comes in ebbs and flows. I think that is what is so hard, you know? You think you're seeing positive changes in yourself or your S, and then it feels like it all gets taken away. Sometimes I feel so out of control, even of my own thoughts and emotions.
But I have to keep thinking, "two steps forward, one step back". As long as over time we are still moving forward, small setbacks aren't that big of a deal, even if they feel like it at the time.
(((Beth))) Enjoy your night, okay? I'm dealing with some anxiety tonight over a conversation H wants to have with me tomorrow. If you're interested, I've posted about it over on the "Guys...chime in" thread. Not sure if you've been over there or not yet, but it's been VERY interesting and it's helped me understand the guy's point of view a lot better.
Sleep well tonight, my friend. I'll be checking on you...
Me: 38 H: 41 M: 12 D12, S10 H began EA: 7/08 H moved out: 9/30/08 Bomb (sleeping with OW): 10/23/08
My story: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1638048&page=2#Post1638048
When's the next horseback lesson?