First of all Frank, you handled D17 and your statements to your wife regarding Christmas very well.
I'm sorry for all the arguing that went on but I noted 3 things that I think are important.
1) Your girls and their mother have got to find a way to communicate with one another and YOU have to stay out of that relationship. Trust me, it's one more stressor that you don't need. Let your wife carry that burden. If she ignores it, that's on her. You just need to be there for the girls when they need to vent.
2) Your wife told you what she felt about being emotionally abandoned by you when you were falling. So it is what it is. Now you have to deal with the guilt and regret you have over that and that's just going to take some time. That perceived failure on your part is feeding enormously into your lack of self esteem. Please, please, please make this the focus of your counseling! It's the root of most everything that troubles you, I think.
3) She never once mentioned love. Only respect. Specifically, having lost respect for you. This is very telling of how she needs to be propped up & carried by a man. NO ONE needs this kind of person sucking the life out of them Frank, which is what she has basically done to you. SHE is warped and YOU can't fix her. You can and should pray for her. But you absolutely can NOT fix her. And you didn't do this to her, either. This was in her LONG before she met you. It's just NOT your cross to bear.
This is the time for Frank.
Find out who he is.
Who you want him to become.
Why he is wonderful and unique and worthy of love.
Stop being your own punching bag.
No, you didn't get here by yourself.
But you can damn sure decide by yourself that you're not staying here.
Believe it!
Again, I'm sorry about all the arguing and the emotional upheaval, too.
