The results are in...Dust myself off & start again

[Treese]

Hi All....

Well I hadn't heard from H by the time I left work so I texted him on my way home....no response...then about an hour later he texts me and says he's in a meeting and he would call me...I texted back and said it wasnt fair for him to make me wait and he said he didnt want to call me at work and upset me...I told him I was already upset all day....this was all texts...then I texted back and said is it bad...he said, well the attorney didn't think so....I said, I think I'm going to throw up and he said,:dont, it will work out somehow:...then he texted me to tell me he F***** up and parked in a handicap parking meter....yep....got a fine....$250....WTF...I said, "I dont' even know what to say anymore....

The good news...no back support....the bad news...$530 a month..that we DONT have...H said he will start working extra at his stores to make extra money....then this is what he said...OMG...I about flipped out on him...

Me: you have no idea how bad this hurts..
H: Yes I do, it hurts me to but it is what it is...I pulled over on the side of the road today and sobbed just like you are doing...I didnt sleep, and I went through Taco Bell drive thru and thought I was at Burger King...

Me: I haven't slept either....I've felt like this for 2 years now.

H: I've been dealing with this for 10 years.
Me: I really don't care how long you have been dealing with it.
H: I'm sorry...
Me:sobbing uncontrollably....(sorry folks..couldn't help it)...
H: She really isnt doing this to be vindictive..
me: Are you kidding? then why would she do it to begin with..Oh and by the way....I may sue both of you for emotional distress..
H; You cant' do that...
ME: Oh yes I can, ask your attorney...all I have to do is prove you caused me and my children emotional distress...and I can..
H: then you'll cause me to lose my job...

H: She said she's going to take the money and put it towards his
college education.
Me: we can't even afford to pay for our own children's education and we are going to pay for his....
H: I know treese...D21's car will be paid off in Feb...there's $300; and we can get rid of the phone, the paper....
Me: why do we have to take everything of MINE away...you are out living the life while I'm trying to hold everything together here.
H: I'm working all the time treese..
Me: still crying...
H: well, my moms calling me...
hung up....

Now....he tried to put the guilt trip on me AGAIN...he still controls my emotions...I hate it....it's time to fight back...

One good thing is that the relationship with his OW will be strained to the max...he has to take time with his other kid and mine and work 2 jobs...good luck with that....

So, I've cried, I've screamed....and I am at a total loss of words right now...I haven't eaten...

I've prayed...I've done it all....I feel abandoned...

So....H was talking the "We" stuff again...we can pay the car off, we can get rid of the phone...where is the "we" in all this..he wants the divorce...but now we really can't afford one..
at least not now...and he wants to get his own place....with what?

Thanks for letting me vent...and thanks for all your prayers...please keep them coming...I need them now more than ever....