So she says "What can I do, I'm not here to be in their lives and YOU are. " I said that's your choice, I don't want a divorce, the kids don't want a divorce."
She says "You don't understand Frank, I lost all my respect for you years ago when you started drinking. I just didn't know how to leave."
So it turns into an R talk. Basically she 'understands' that I was hurting, but I don't understand that she was hurting because she thought I didn't want her. I explain that I didn't want ME or respect ME and anyone around me.
That during her affair 3 years ago I stopped drinking, I carried all of us emotionally and I couldn't do it any more. She says "Yes, I'm not the kind of person who should be with you because I can't fulfill those needs, I can't be married to you. I don't want to belong to anybody and I don't think I'll ever regain that respect for you"
Then she says "I respect who you are as a person, and when I talk to people who don't even know you I tell them what a great man you are. I think this is an opening for you, a turning point in your life and you're going to go on to great things. I'm just not the right person for you."
Then she says "You know you don't really want me, you haven't wanted me or respected me for a long time. And you'll never get over the affairs."
She is in her calm, I know I'm right, voice.
My last comment to her is that we didn't respect each other because we didn't respect ourselves. we were both hurting and neither was capable of helping the other.
She says "Yes, but you think that because we 'understand' what went wrong that we can fix it. I think that it shouldn't be fixed".
With that she left the room.
about 10 minutes later she calls to tell me that she is going to McD's to get D13 something. Then she asks if she can pick up something for me. I said thanks and told her what I would like.
She said that afterwards she was going home since D13 didn't want to hang out with her.
So, what did I learn? I learned that she doesn't respect me yet tells people what a great guy I am. She is angry that I apparently got a 'free pass' and get to live in my house while she struggles. And that she has had a vision of me living some great and wonderful life without her.
