W took D17 to the Dentist this afternoon. In a nutshell D17 had some cavities and got upset. Dentist said it was unusual to have as many as she had and maybe it was acid reflux. But then the dentist said it was unlikely because she has no other symptoms.
D17 started to cray and W said "Well we'll take you to Dr N (her holistic dr) and she can figure it out". D17 got angry and said she didn't want to see Dr N because she thinks she's a quack.
W told her that she was wrong, and then an argument ensued at the Dentists.
They came home and it was clear they had both been crying. It was 4 pm so W asked me if it was ok if she started her 'thursday evening with the girls' now. D17 Asked if that meant she was staying and I said 'sure' and left the room. At this point I didn't know what had happened.
D17 came into my office crying and told me the story. She said that W disrespects her and it's always "Her way or the highway".
A couple minutes W came in and was upset because D13 told her she didn't want to do 'decorating' with her because she doesn't live here. Now W is saying both girls hate her and think I am the better parent. D17 is crying and tells her that they don't hate her, and that my name was never mentioned nor was "Dad is a better parent"
So they blew up and rehashed all the past arguments they've had. I stayed out of it. When there was a pause I told W that I felt that decorating the house was crossing my boundary, and I asked the girls what they thought and they said they wanted a low key Christmas.
So she got upset and said "Well what am I supposed to do? I don't have any decorations. I could take some of ours but the girls won't come over to P's house."
Then D17 said "We would but you never ask us to!"
That started another round between the two of them, and W walked out of my office. D17 yelled at her "You always walk away instead of taking to me!" W kept going. D17 started sobbing, saying "I'm the worst daughter in the world! My mom hates me!"
I held her for a while, then left to go find W who was in the kitchen crying. I told her that she has a daughter in the other room who thinks that she hates her and that she's a bad daughter. I said "You need to go talk to her". She said "I try but she yells at me!" I said "Well suck it up and don't yell back. Everyone here is hurting because of the situation we're in because of your choices."
So, she screams "Well it's just great that I end up out of the house and you get away scott free after all you've done! I should be here with the girls instead of being out of the house!"
I said "You're out of the house because you decided being with OM was more important than your family."
She said that that's not why, and it's unfair that SHE ends up out when I'm the one who abandoned her emotionally for years.
I said that she needed to go talk to D17, who by then had walked by and went to her bedroom.
Of course, D13 is upstairs and hears her mother yelling which scares her. W goes upstairs to talk to D13, who as usual rejects her and tells her to leave her alone.
W comes downstairs and says that she's leaving because nobody wants her around tonight. I stop her at the door and tell her that's not true, that there is a lot of hurt going around here and she needs to help with the healing.
