I'm not Yellowrose but I can tell you that I had to fight becoming bitter toward H.
MLC can take an impossibly long time. After 3-1/2 years post-bomb, my H is still working his way through the tunnel.
There is an old saying about kids when they hit their teen years .. something like "Wake me up when it's over". I think the same could be said for MLC because it takes so dadgum long. Just wake me up when it's over and spare me all the grief in-between.
My grown son gave me a heckuva bad time during his teen years. He finally outgrew it and then my H fell into MLC with much of the same juvenile behavior. I keep telling myself that H will "outgrow" it, too. Hopefully.
By looking at it like it's a long teenage phase he's going through, it takes the personal sting out of H's bad behavior. Then I'm not so bitter.
H called me last night and asked what he could do to start repairing the damage he caused our grandkids. He said that he was AWOL for so long because he needed to punish himself. I'm well beyond DBing, so I told him that he had punished the kids and me as well by running away. He agreed. He wants to start taking small steps to repair the damage.
Waking up? Who knows? Tomorrow he might run again. It's a day by day process. I'm no longer bitter, just mystified at the way these MLCers justify their behavior. Val
I for one can't believe that you would become bitter to anyone or anything!!!! That being said, I did find myself getting bitter towards my h somewhat. I had to pull myself back and think of what he was going through. Then I felt pity and sorrow for him.
I really think it is a normal feeling we go through during this.
Val,
Hi twinnie! You sound great. Your H is still fumbling around, huh? I can't believe that he still hasn't POPPED out of the tunnel yet! It sounds like he is trying to make amends to the family and that is a start!
I miss my husband so much but he never calls me anymore ...it is like we never existed to him now....I feel so used and like she stepped into my shoes with my life with my husband and my beloved dogs.
I cant help but cry ..... but I cry out to God .... Luke 1 verse 45 says this:
Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished.... I truly believe that with all my heart....
One day those of us in here will be reunited with the spouses God put together in the first place and made us one flesh.... but we are only human and sometimes we are weak and sometimes we have doubt.... but I know that I know and God has spoken to me and he has shown me what I need to do ... and that is to be still and wait on his perfect timing...
It is so nice to have this board to come to and just let our emotions,anger,jealousy,envy and all the other things we feel when we are weak to be released in here and somehow it just makes us feel better...and no one judges me... or makes me feel stupid for waiting on him....lately I feel like I dont want him anymore and the pain n my heart is so much less painful....maybe I am really letting go now....I decided to enroll in an online to school to become a Medical Coding Specialist...I sm doing this for me and my daughter... it feels so nice to feel alive again
When you really let go what does it feel like???????? I know I still love him.... but he has done this before with the same woman!!!!!I must and I will let God take control that is the only way to survive and to totally forgive....
just came here to vent I guess or just to post.... I am so happy for Y/R
This THANKSGIVING I am thankful for the people in here,becuase without them I would of had to of faced this alone....
THANKS TO ALL OF YOU IN HERE AND MAY YOU HAVE A BLESSED DAY HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYBODY!!! _________________________ M-53 H-46 M-24+YRS BOMB-10/14/07 2-S 2-D Grandkids-7 Greatgrand kid-1 He needs space... Wants to start fresh new life W O/W Moved in his O/W Oct.08
M-53 H-46 M-24+YRS BOMB-10/14/07 2-S 2-D Grandkids-7 Greatgrand kid-1 He needs space... Wants to start fresh new life W O/W Moved in his O/W Oct.08
It has been recommended to me a couple of times that I seek your counsel for my sitch. I have tried to find the beginning of your posts to read your whole situation, but I am not too gifted at navigating this site and have not had much luck.
If you have a chance, I would really appreciate any thoughts you might share with me.
YR, How is dad doing? What about your mom? Are they doing well?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
My mom and dad are both doing wonderful. Dad is getting his strength back slowly but surely and feeling better every day. I just got after my mom on the phone because she isn't wearing her oxygen like she should and coming up with all kinds of excuses. I told her that the oxygen won't work if she doesn't use it!
I used to be so lonesome for my H too as all of us here have. It just takes time, their time.
As far as really letting go, it took me a very long time to get to that point. I learned alot on the way. I knew the more I pressured my h the farther away he went. I gave it to God and finally found peace.
My H lived with the ow for a couple of years. When he finally did come home is when I found out it wasn't all a bed of roses over there once the newness wore off. Hang in there.
I told her that the oxygen won't work if she doesn't use it!