Sunshine- a change is what worries me. If H changes I'll have to change. That will be OK if it means me needing more detachment and moving away. The opposite is the worry, and I know you understand that.
I do, but you know what I have found out? There is nothing you can do to change that "change" either... Sux, but it is the truth. Just like they didnt ask if we were prepared when they left they tend to come back without asking if we are prepared for that either... When it got close, my stress levels were over the charts, I could feel it coming, I did everything possible to avoid it... Look where I am today...
Sunshine, as usual you're full of wisdom. I'm trying not to assume anything from the change in H's behaviour- most likely it's nothing but we'll see. I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. I've been watching you and how you've handled it and I know it's been hard, but you've been amazing. I hope that if my sitch ever came to it I'd deal with it as well.
H sent me a longish e-mail today telling me about his night out yesterday with work and describing what he ate, asking me about how I was getting on with a quiz he sent me and telling me he's travelling with work tomorrow. He then sent a second e-mail with some supportive and encouraging words about applying for new jobs. If I didn't know better I'd think it was 2 years ago and we were happily M from the way the second e-mail read. Ho hum. We'll see how things go next week at the conference.
I had a brief conversation with CEO this afternoon. When I called he answered with a gruff hello. Then, after I'd said it was me (Hi, it's me), he said hello again in such a soft and sweet way and sounded so happy to hear from me. Makes the butterflies beat. *sigh*. He sounded sad when we talked- I don't think the fundraising is going that well from reading between the lines, but I guess never say never.
In other news, I had a lovely day today not being at work, but visiting my friends at my old place of work. They are SO great.
I am at a loss as to know what to say. I am amazed at this.. reading from where you were and his NC for ages to now this.. 2 emails in a day and showing care and concern and opening up more??!! I am really thinking now that his holiday was not so good! Wow, if it was that.. I can only imagine she was pushing/hoping for a romantic week away and it might have been the final proof to him that he is NOT in love with her. Who knows hey? But this contact built up after the holiday with her, right.
Looks like the change is in your favour (as in increased and more open convos, as I wasnt sure before if you meant it was a change the other way).
What night is the conference? Theres a full moon next week!
As for CEO.. how ironic, that he continues to make your heart beat, even with increased contact from H. I feel a little envious of you and Kalni! With these sitchs you had found yourselves in, yet you both have/are clearly suffered through it and probably think I am wrong to envy you! Thinking of you,
Al xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Hi OD, just posted this on Handsome's thread. You got a part time job?
"During the credit crunch our famed British upper lip might not be as stiff as before but other parts still are," said Lisa Power, head of policy at the Terrence Higgins Trust, the sexual health charity that commissioned the poll."
Apparently it was voted one of the nation's free pastimes in the credit crunch----so I guess some people are having fun- sigh.
naej- that was excellent. My secret undercover job has been revealed at last!
Future Girl, Lovely One- I DIDN'T put my hand on CEOs knee, although I nearly touched his hair. It was touch and go but I managed to control myself. Thank goodness- imagine how inapproriate that would have been! And then I dreamed I was massaging his head last night (no laughing Future One- that's not a euphemism!)
Ali- the conference is in London on Tuesday and Wednesday, with pre-conference drinks on Monday night. I'm likely to see H several times while it's on, so we'll see how that goes. I'm glad you see the increased contact as positive. I'm wary of it. Until he says something concrete about wanting to work things out, I think I still will be.... Oh, and don't be envious- walking a tightrope is NOT fun (thank goodness CEO hasn't asked me out!)
Jounralling
I replied to H's e-mail yesterday in the usual style. I asked if he was going to the conference drinks on Monday and said I hoped he had a good weekend planned (that's a 180 for me since the S- I usually don't express that kind of wish to him).
CEO was on good form yesterday- lots of banter. At one point he asked if my old boss (who'd come for lunch with me and CEO) fancies me, and then referred to me as a good-looking woman with something about her and said that men love to be with that kind of woman. Then he looked embarrassed and changed the subject. So sweet.
During that conversation he also told me he couldn't get the worktops for the kitchen that I'd wanted, and a plan to get the ones he'd got to look more like the ones I'd liked. It was a great flirting opportunity that I totally missed. I'm losing my mojo thanks to these stupid butterflies- it's a disaster. Essie, I need HELP!
This afternoon I had a call from him talking about a work thing (Saturday afternoon?!). Annoyingly, though, my phone kept cutting out and I think it annoyed him because he left a message on my answering machine to that effect. Shame because the conversation started out nicely, and then degenerated into both of us being annoyed. My RL friends think these niggly conversations are a sign he's getting to me. I think he's just annoying sometimes- he does drive me mad. Anyway, I think we might be meeting at the office tomorrow afternoon to do more work. I guess we'll see though. It'll probably be me at the office and him at home (and hopefully not him lying on the office floor and me wondering what to do, like last time)
No word from H this weekend. Still, I shouldn't be impatient. We'll (possibly) be together more on Mon/Tues/Weds than we've been the whole time since the S so there will be lots of time to speak then.
