I have been in this hard for 5 months, although there were signs of her going through something for two years prior. I have had it rough and it took this site and some guidance from Snadi2 and AMyC for me to understadn that none of this had anything to do with me. I tried fixing thngs and doing things she would notice, now i don't care wheter she does or not. I am a better person now than ever before. I am financially OK, she i failing miserably. she has OM who lives in his parents basement, is 15 years younger than her and has arriage problems for over 5 years. this is not the first time he has run off on his wife and he is only 31. Talk about a POS. And my W knew all this. But she is a bleeding heart and rather than talk to me, she talked to him because he confided oin her and blah, blah, balh.

I have been your stuff , trapt, and it hits very close home with me. I am doing and continue to do as you have posted. It urts like crazy knowing about her and him and every now and then having that visual upsets me. I doing better than I should be. I am lonely having to be a single parent, soul provider and what not. there are not enough hours in the day to do what I do , let alone go out and GAL in a heavy way. I take the opportunites to go out when they are there, but have to be conscious of D17 at home as well. We as parents, neglected her to our party weekends. I have grown up, she has not. Based on the books I have read, people I have talked to, people on this board and others, there is little doubt she is in MLc. And you are right, she has to do this alone. Nothing I can say or do will help. even her best friends are at arms length, and to the person, say she will not realize anything until she hits rock bottom, the ultimate train wreck or the crash she doesn't want to be in. these are allthe terms they have used. I have been told it will get worse before it gets better. I don't know what that means, but i am assuming it will get worse for her, she will ulimately try to justify more crap and somehow I will be dragged backinto the drama. That is where I get my strength. I have chosen not to get on the ride anymore or get dragged. I have much more control than I thought and that situation presented itself to me recently. I do not flounder with her, get it done, move on, out of the way. If she is watching, she is seeing dust. I am told they watch and they watch closely, why? She has OM and she seems happy with him, in love, ahhhhhhhh....then why does everyone tell me how miserable she seems, how depressed she looks?

Also, this conversation came up last night, is there a certain amount of jealousy that will snap them back>? I have caught up the bills, established a pretty good house cleaning maintenance program wit D17 and seem to be geting along OK. financially she is a mess, personal life is with her friend who she lives tih, her best friend and OM (who I have been told has no friends, he is a cling on). Mine isn't much better, M-F, here is my day

1. Out the door at 6:45 to drop daughter off at school and get to work
2. Out of work at 5:00 (salaried no overtime)
3. Home around 5:30 and start dinner
4. We eat around 6 - 6:30 depending on what I cook
5. Go throguh the mail and talk with D17 about her day when she doesn't go to her mom's
6. Either go to the gym around 7 - 7:30 or do some project around the house
7. Crash around 8:30 9:00 and watch some tube
8. Bed around 10:30
Rinse lather repaet.

She at least has more being around adult time than me, i have more quality time than her. When I hook up with my friendas it is always a good time. I am not allowed to discuss her, or us.