Whether, what & when to tell kids?

[AlexEN]

Want to shift gears on this thread (since I'm accused, rightfully, of being in too many places at once, and didn't want to start yet another thread)...

I want to know how LBS feel about wearing their wedding bands.

I was at some friends' house (who know what is going on in our relationship) and they noticed I didn't have my ring on (my wife eitehr didn't notice or never told me that she did notice). I told them that as far as I was concerned, I wasn't "married" anymore because, for all intents and purposes, my wife has left our marriage. This couple was adamant that I put my ring back on. They pointed out that she is the one who is being a hypocrite by wearing her wedding band and I would not me as I still want to fight for our marriage. They also thought not wearing the ring would give her what she wants, an aknowlegement of sorts that I accept her position that a divorce is inevitable. Moreover, they said, if my kids were to ask, what would I tell them. If I'm not ready to tell them about what's going on, I should not take the ring off.

The flipside is when I was out with a group of betrayed spouses. Many of them did not have their wedding bands and said they had even confiscated their spouses rings.

I think it feels more honest to take the ring off, but only if I/we are prepared to tell the kids their mother wants a divorce. Given that it's the holiday season, and I'm *thinking out loud* here, I'm inclined to go that route but only after the holidays are over. Would hate for the kids forever associate this time of the year with what is going to be traumatic for them.

Puppy, I guess this is one of those instances (proving your point) where what is right doesn't necessarily mesh with what would make me feel better about myself, as I think the interests of the children are best served by holding off for the time being.

Does anyone know of any threads where the wedding band topic is bandied about?

Thanks,

AlexEN