Sorry men... We need to get a few of these women on track too. Looks like they are quite interested in how we REALLY look at things..
Of course.. Nice guys that we are... We are here to help...LOL
lovehimso,
Let me take this interaction with your WH this morning and dissect it a bit. You actually had a lot of good (on your end that you did) and some not so good...
Quote:
He came to take the kids to school this morning and I was a little short with him (I tried not to be, but was not successful, apparently). He wanted to know what was wrong, and at first I tried the "nothing" approach, but he never buys that. So, I admitted I had been short, apologized for it, and said that I just had a lot on my mind. He wanted to know what I was thinking about, and I said "I don't want to discuss it right now." He insisted, and I repeated that I wasn't going to talk about it. He got irritated and said, "come on kids, let's go" and walked out the front door. I thought, "whatever, go" (about him, not the kids; I said a proper goodbye to them before they followed him out to the car).
Gucci CLAPS hands for lovehimso...Excellent job... perfect... I would have reacted the same as he did.. Secretly as we know later, I would have called you back because it was eating away at me what was wrong. My initial bluff didn't work and my usual prodding didn't.. I would be thinking... "hhhmm what is up with her.. she seems different"( THAT IS WHERE YOU WANT HIM TO BE... You DON'T want him to know your every thought and feeling).. When you do.. you take away any challenge.. men respond to challenge.. Sorry.. but true... Overall GREAT JOB...
Quote:
He called me from the car after he had dropped the kids off and asked me again to tell him what was wrong.
Big surprise...... Do you see that your initial way of handling this WORKED? You called his bluff and look who called back WANTING to talk????.............(I would have recommended that you not tell him right away.. or if ever) let him wonder.. It is better for him...
Quote:
I repeated my original statement that I didn't want to talk about it. He asked for a clue, because he "didn't like to be in the dark" (I thought, "oh poor baby, what about all the deception about the OW?", but I kept my mouth shut). I said something like, "if you are asking if it's about you, I will tell you that yes, it is. But that's all I am going to say right now."
Everything was perfect except I think that you should have kept telling him you didn't want to talk about it and that it had NOTHING to do with him..... It was at this point that you had the beginning of a possible turn around in your relationship. He NEEDS to wonder if he may have possibly blown it. "did I lose her, Is this what I really want,have I gone too far, is there another man"... (do you see how his though process changes when you let go?) As long as you keep letting him know you will always be there for him and that you love him and want him back, then all his thoughts about you will be.."I need space, she did this, she did that, I bet she will be begging me again on the next phone call.. I bet she will call me as soon as the I take off"..
You see? When you let go and allow him to wonder, then his normal thought process would be.."have I gone too far.. is this what I want? WHOA... Am I making a mistake?"
As long as you don't make him wonder then he is free to eat cake and keep you on the back burner knowing that he can come back to you if this new exciting relationship should not work..
Man he has it made huh? Two women. Both waiting on him hand and foot... Both telling him how great he is and one of them telling him she understands how it is her fault that he has another woman and that she will try even harder to shape up and maybe, just maybe he will throw her a crumb and come back to her because she has become so great... IF and when he decides....
I think you should become mysterious.. (as you were earlier today) not reveal much of anything of how you "feel" .. keep conversations short.. Be pleasant... Convey that you are busy, happy and for sure a wanted woman........
Remember.. When I say happy.. I don't mean to suddenly perk up and sound oooohhh so happy to hear his voice or see him or talk to him... BUT... Happy as in.. Happy, but I have to get going.. Nice to hear from you...TA TA.. (that kind of happy.....the kind that makes a guy curious to why you are so happy to GET OFF the phone)
Hope this helps. I am glad to see that you are becoming angry. It is needed. It is healthy. You should be angry. You are allowed to be angry......
Mysterious.... pleasant...... happy.....busy..... look good.. smell good..... get out and about..... have fun..... laugh often.... life is good...
That is the attitude that can bring him back.... Consistently....
- OM/OW's spouse - MIL, FIL, and any in-law siblings that you think will be supportive of the marriage - your own parents and siblings - your spouse's employer, if the affair is taking place at work - PERHAPS a best friend of your spouse, IF you think they will be supportive (very often, they are, in fact, an enabler, even the MAJOR enabler of the affair)
These should be done simultaneously, and without forewarning.
Puppy,
Notably absent from your list is the kids... I thought you thought they should be told in an "age-appropriate" manner or is it situation-specific versus the above "general" guidelines?
-AlexEN
I'm sorry, yes, I should have included adult children, and possibly 13-17 year olds, in an age-appropriate way and based on their level of maturity. Sorry for the confusion.
I just got this flash of thought, and I wanted to write it down before I forgot it:
I've talked often about "plates spinning on sticks" -- you know, the old Ed Sullivan show circus trick where the guy keeps multiple plates spinning on multiple sticks, and adds more and more and tries to keep them all spinning. I've said that wayward spouses like to keep their spouse and their OM/OW "spinning on the stick" so that they have a fallback plan.
But the thought I just got was, "It's possible stop your OWN plate from spinning." By not being reactive. By now being available for R talks. By not getting dragged down into the pit with them when they try to push your buttons.
"STOP YOUR OWN PLATE" -- hmmmm, I think I like that.
We now join our regularly-scheduled programming, already in progress . . .
Isn't there some Law of Thermodynamics (the 4th,k perhaps?) that says "a body at rest will remain at rest unless acted upon by some outside force"???
Newton's first law of motion....
Quote:
I've talked often about "plates spinning on sticks" -- you know, the old Ed Sullivan show circus trick where the guy keeps multiple plates spinning on multiple sticks, and adds more and more and tries to keep them all spinning. I've said that wayward spouses like to keep their spouse and their OM/OW "spinning on the stick" so that they have a fallback plan.
Gyroscopic effect....
Puppy...is there going to be a test at the end of this thread???
Puppy...is there going to be a test at the end of this thread???
Yes. Multiple-guess (multiple choice), limited guess (true-false), short bullchit (short-answer) and long bullchit (essay) questions. It's all in the syllabus.
{{Puppy}} LOL..Yes..we women are confusing..yes you did answer my question..was going to write more, but didn't want to totally hijack the thread..LOL..so I actually didn't finish my thought process in that response (aren't you glad? hehe)
I like the plates on a stick philosophy..I have atough time with this one..esp with hub living here still, what to do/what not to do/etc..
Actually my daughter, 17, is very helpful, if I had her philosophy I'd be good and probably more "drop the rope-ish"..for example, last night, I had gotten myself, and the kids Arby's, never know when hub will be home and normally it's not until late, but, sure enough, at 5 o'clock he's home and I said to her, "oh crap, I didn't get dad anything to eat", and she's like, "It's not YOUR job to make him dinner"..LOL..and I still was like "ugh..I hate not having something for him" (I know, I know)..but I didn't do anything, didn't say anything about it, and I think he made himself soup or something..
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
was going to write more, but didn't want to totally hijack the thread.
It isn't possible to hijack this thread. It's serving its purpose, which is to generate discussion about how guys and girls think. I think the thread has done amazingly well at generating discussion and hopefully people have been given a few new tools to play with. I appreciate the input of gucci and Puppy in keeping it hopping.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
Your bomb was on my 22nd anniversary although my wife (until I did the math with her) was adamantly sure it was our 23rd (and gave me a present based upon the traditional 23rd anniversary gift)!
-ALexEN
New: What a Weekend
H-48 WAW-49 M-22 S-14,9 D-11 EA disc.-11/07 PA disc.-3/08 EA2?-6/08 to ?
