untying a few knots #9

[Babygirl]

amy it does, he offered to take ME with him tonite for his bday, now he is changing the plans. i should have added that up there.

yes and you are right, he will do what he wants, possibly letting me and the kids go in the process. that is what hurts so bad.

[Tomato]

Hi babygirl

Decided to check up on you. I know these times are really hard for you. Know that the Lord has and will comfort you through it all. Secure peace for yourself through Him. He wants it that way. He is the Way, the Truth & the Light. Be led by Him. That needs to be your #1 M. Thanks for your friendship. I will keep watching out for you through prayer!

T

[Amy M]

But, as Tomato pointed out...you can't control what he does.

I understand that you feel that your decision about hunting tonight has an impact on his decision. But, it doesn't. He's changed his mind about tonight...if you don't hunt, he's not going to do the b'day thing tonight anyway. He's already decided not to that, or he wouldn't have suggested the hunting.

What he does on Saturday...is what he'll do.

And, like Tomato, I'm praying for you!!!

Hugs to you!!!
Amy

[mishka422]

I am in 100% agreement with Amy. He decided not to do the bday tonight anyway. The hunting is just his excuse for that.

[Tawnya]

BG..I agree with mishka..I am thinking it's just an excuse more than an "I'm working on the marriage"..I'd be like, "but I thought we were do something with the son tonight instead of that party on Saturday"..you can go hunting any night..why tonight?

Tawnya

[Babygirl]

long cold frustrating emotional nite from hell.

did go deer hunting, shot a buck, he crossed before he dropped into a milo field, and it got dark so fast, we couldnt find him, that really bothered me.

then on he way in, he starts the talk, will you go with me to newton? we talked, and he kept saying it was going to be so hard on her, I had to be delicate (WTF??) of course i was nice about it.

so now there is a rat. while we were at burger king, i had to go smoke, guess who follows me out? yep OW. she wants to talk, but what she tells me I cant repeat to benny. so how do i know who is lying now. I am still trying to process it all actually.

She says it started August of 2005. so that is over 3 years ago. she also said this was her 2nd pregnancy, the first one he had her get an abortion, that doesnt make sense to me, as he had a girlfriend the year before me, who got one and didnt respect what he wanted, so he broke up with her. but who knows i guess. she said the sex has gone on until last tues, when he told her, he was staying with me, omg that makes me sick. and that when he told her, he said you need to move on for now. not forever just now. those who talk to me on the phone, know this was my exact fear. try this, have cake over there waiting.

there is more i am sure I will remember later, she did call him a fat liar, seeing them interact at burger king, was obvious how familiar they are around eachother, and her boys are with H. The Paterinity test is only needed for his rights, I swear they are identical twins. she had tears many times in her eyes, before she followed me out to smoke. I dont know who to believe, he said the sex had ended a long time ago, she says not. I want them both in the same room no kids, and have the 3 of us talk, because the one fact that is true is that they are BOTH LIARS. i dont know what to do with all this info, do i ignore? do i ask h, or do I arrange a meeting with all of us together? its so obvious she loves him, so she could be lying about some stuff, but H avoided alot of direct questions the night we talked all nite, and according to her, i had let it rest an had asked all questions i had and he answered them all, neither of which is true. i am so confused, ugh. sad thing I didnt talk much, let her do it.

[Babygirl]

wanted to add, havent said a word about the convo she had with me to h at all. was waiting to get there to spill and talk to ya'll.

[sandycay]

BG,

You have no reason to keep anything from your H. I would tell him everything she said. However, keep in mind they both may be stretching the truth. Him stretching it to stop hurting you and her stretching it to hurt you. She doesn't deserve you as an ally. She is trying to say anything to get you to go away. Do you see now why he didn't want you to come.

I see this as a big step that he took you. I hope you recognize that. I am so glad you have restriant because I might have had to see if one of those crowns could be shoved up where the sun don't shine.

Please don't let her "play" you. She's told you he told her he wanted you. WOW.....that's a biggy. I would make it a light conversation by saying "you'll never believe what she told me"?

Unless the exact date that they stopped ML is a show stopper for you. The fact is it seems to be over. However, the boundary stands forever..... no contact with her without you or someone else present that you trust.


Spending time with your husband doing something you both enjoy = pricless
She had tears in her eyes = priceless

Going home with your H = priceless

[Amy M]

Good job!!! I'm glad you didn't talk much to her. I'm glad you let her do the talking, and I'm glad you didn't talk to H about it. He doesn't need to know what was said...let him sweat that a little!

And, like I said to someone (maybe it was you!!) the other day, you have to decide if you can live with their past or not. If you decide to live with it, you are going to have to let it all go. All of it...who cares what day they had sex last...as long as they don't do it again? I also don't think it matters who told who what, etc. in the past. Personally, I think any more meeting about it...you and her or all 3 of you will serve no real purpose...they might both lie still. And, it will possibly only hurt you more.

I'd say, it was huge that he took you there tonight. That was the boundary you set, he stuck to it. That was huge!!! He sent her a pretty powerful message tonight by showing up with you. Now, he will have to continue to stay within the boundaries you have set. I think you should give him a chance to do that.

That's just me...Babygirl! You know you have to do what's right for you and the kids!

Love you!!!!

Amy

[Babygirl]

thanks sandycay. i am not stupid enuff to believe all she said, duh, been there done it. and yes i am sure he sugarcoated and lied to cover alot when we talked, something else i forgot up there, warned ya'll I would would be she says he still says he loves her. when i asked him this the other nite, he said idk, then i dont think so. the lies have just got to quit, as we see them on saturday morning, before the party, to take him and do something with him. then again next week we are all meeting at the bowling alley, and she said she was going to call so she can tell me the whole truth, since she realizes how much he has lied, I deserve it now, his lies hurt her, its only fair that I finally get the truth. i dont want her as an alli. she asked for my trust to not repeat all she told me, so he wont go off on her, and not see thier son. thats the hard part of telling him, he wants to know what we taked about as, we were out there for over 25 minutes.