I know that DR advocates waiting the A out, since most end within 6 months. But is that really the most attractive option for the LBS (considering the "consolation prize" issue)? I guess waiting it out isn't the same as "allow your H to have his cake and eat it too." Stop allowing the cake-eating, but still leave the door open, just in case, as long as you are still willing to. Is my thought-process going in the right direction here?
I know it advocates that, and I largely disagree with it, for several reasons:
1. It saps (even destroys) the self-esteem of the betrayed spouse.
2. The longer they are in the affair, although there's a chance it COULD die of its own weight, there is also a chance that their emotional and physical bond will STRENGTHEN. It's also interesting to note that those that espouse the "Little Bo-Peep" approach are almost always the same people who advocate AGAINST exposure, when exposing the affair to the light of day is the VERY THING that would make it most likely TO die of its own weight!
3. The longer they are in the affair, the greater the risk for disease. Seriously.
4. The longer the affair goes on, the more of the family's assets are drained. Money spent directly on the affair itself (cellphone, clothes, lingerie, hotel, travel, gifts, private investigators, etc.), and on legal fees, can quickly add up. My wife's affair lasted only three months, yet it cost us almost $10,000 if you count her tummy tuck.
5. I strongly believe (and many AWASs and FWASs will attest) that the cheating spouse actually LOSES respect -- and love is tied closely to respect -- for the betrayed spouse when they don't fight for them, for their marriage, and for their family. A doormat isn't very attractive.
It's ironic to me that you write:
Quote:
He's had an EA with her since July, and a PA since the end of October, and not one thing has changed. In fact, he has moved even further away from me
and yet we're NOT supposed to take a tough stance, because it will supposedly push them further away from us????
