Sometimes I cannot take this place....

[Sugar and Spice]

Ok, so I finally said enough. Yesterday was a year and where are we a year later? The same place, only worse. I found some of the stuff that I wrote those first couple of days and came to the realization that not a damn thing has changed other than he know has a child with this woman.

So when we spoke on the phone last night I just told him that even though I understand that he has problems and that he is confused, I am no longer able to continue living this way. I made several points and the answer was always the same, "I don't know thats true." or the ever popular, "You are entitled to believe what you want to, but I don't think thats true." I basically told him that in no way was this an ultimatum or something to "make" him do anything. That I am going to do this for me. That I deserve someone to love and who will love me back. Someone that want me and only me. I told him that I am no longer able to listen to his words as they don't match his actions. We will give our children a nice Christmas and then he is free of me. He claims to be my friend, but he not only doesn't treat me like a friend, but he doesn't act like he likes me very much at all. There were several other things that basically boiled down to...goodbye, good luck and God bless you. I also said that if/when he ever gets his life straight and I'm still available, give me a call and maybe we can go out.

I tried you guys, I gave it everything I have and it wasn't enough. I'm many things and stupid is not one of them and when you love someone you don't spend all of your time and energy on someone else. I just had to get to a place where I was strong enough to do it. I could have let things go on the way they have been forever. I didn't even plan it, it just popped out and once I started I couldn't stop. He seems pretty upset, but I'm thinking that its more about him than it truly is about anything else. He did call me this morning and some of the above conversation came from that call, but I haven't heard from him since and I'm not calling him. I've said all I can.

Just wanted you all to know...