Trying2Live-Post #6

[Trying2live]

Hey guys! Sorry got back from church late last night so I didn't have time to catch up. Nothing new here day 19 of Plan B. I have had no contact and no boundary testing. I am sad and it is very hard but as I said before sharing my H is not a lifestyle. I never intended to share for the rest of my life. A choice must be made and he wants to cake eat and wait on having to make a choice. Sorry not gonna have cake. I loved Plan A knowing I gave him lots of cake so he could see, feel and remember how good cake was. Made some changes and he could see how it could be if he came home. So Plan B is his deciding time, I just now pray that he makes a decision before I lose all love, which is diminishing daily unfortunately. I keep praying God give me grace and strength to at least make it to the one year mark.
I read this website for betrayed spouses one time. It polled them asking them top 10 things to know when you go through something like this. One of the top ten was do not make any life decisions for at least 1 year. I think its even the same in the event of a death. I think because we could make a decision based on anger and sorrow instead of wisdom. Which for me I go between being super angry and then really sad. I hear this is normal in Plan B and that it evens out after about 3-4 weeks. I should be concentrating on myself more and thinking about him less.

I think we need to use the time to work on us and not obsess over them-ya I know its stinking hard! I feel myself obsessing and I hate it. God does not want us using all this time on these pointless thoughts and all of our obsessing can't change a thing...I'm talking to myself right now...LOL

Today I am going to purpose to stop all this stinkin thinkin cuz its driving me crazy. I am going to thought stop today and try and find something on that list to do to keep busy. I really wanna go get a massage!

Ya on the subject of dating. I have 2 close friends who are going through the same thing as me but 2 months before me. Well guess what they both started dating right away to kill the pain. Guess what 2 friends are regretting it. I laugh cuz they told me to date and I said no way jose! I will not date until I feel over my H and complete as a single person. I don't want or need to have someone by my side to feel whole, happy and loved. That's the wrong order. you don't go to someone to feel that, you should feel that first then you can date. It hilarious, now they are trying to figure out how to get out of these relationships. I tell em I sure am glad to hear you guys cuz it makes me really glad I have made the choice I made.

Ya know Hope all the reality checks are great! Don't forget to use those people to your advantage! God sent em your way for a reason so use them!

Marisol, I think that your H may have meant what he said when he wrote that a year ago. Remember that in SAA he explains the addiction and how we cannot treat them any differently than addicts. I think its wonderful that he has no resources. Gotta hit rock bottom before you can look up I always say. This is the life he chose for now and he must feel the weight of it. Its a good thing and now he can't bum off you which is even better.

For both of you guys it doesn't matter if they move in with OW, it cant really get any worse I mean they are already sleeping together. I think possibly the moving in can rip the fantasy apart as well. Now its not this fairy tale anymore. Now you gotta take out the trash and wake up to this person every morning. Then they can start to see the character flaws in them. Its not always bad, if it does happen.