Whatever you decide to do, do NOT do it out of anger. Even the "tough love" approach (heck, ESPECIALLY the tough love approach) should be done out of careful consideration, planning, and prayer.
Moves made out of anger are rarely the right ones.
I agree, Puppy. I'm venting here because if I don't do it somewhere, I feel like I will explode. I am very well aware that I am not in the appropriate mental state to be making huge decisions, much less actually discussing them with my H.
Case in point:
He came to take the kids to school this morning and I was a little short with him (I tried not to be, but was not successful, apparently). He wanted to know what was wrong, and at first I tried the "nothing" approach, but he never buys that. So, I admitted I had been short, apologized for it, and said that I just had a lot on my mind. He wanted to know what I was thinking about, and I said "I don't want to discuss it right now." He insisted, and I repeated that I wasn't going to talk about it. He got irritated and said, "come on kids, let's go" and walked out the front door. I thought, "whatever, go" (about him, not the kids; I said a proper goodbye to them before they followed him out to the car).
He called me from the car after he had dropped the kids off and asked me again to tell him what was wrong. I repeated my original statement that I didn't want to talk about it. He asked for a clue, because he "didn't like to be in the dark" (I thought, "oh poor baby, what about all the deception about the OW?", but I kept my mouth shut). I said something like, "if you are asking if it's about you, I will tell you that yes, it is. But that's all I am going to say right now."
He continued by saying that he had called me yesterday and left a message and I didn't call him back. I told him that I had been out, and that I didn't get his message until after I had picked the kids up from school and was busy with other things, so I couldn't really call him back (all true). He said, well I needed to talk to you, and I pointed out that he hadn't tried to reach me on my cell, hadn't texted me, and his message only said that he was trying to contact me. There was no urgency in his message, and he didn't leave a reason as to why he was trying to contact me. I also pointed out that I did text him later in the evening, but he responded by texting back 20 minutes later that he would text me again in "a bit", only to call me on the house phone 3 hours later and ask to say goodnight to the kids (knowing it was an hour after their bedtime, by the way). He didn't indicate then that there was anything he needed to talk to me about.
He said that we needed to sit down and discuss plans for Christmas. (I was the one who had brought that up a few days ago, and it did not go well.) I said, yes, we do. There was silence for a couple of seconds, then he said, in a kind of irritated tone, something like, "well, when you figure things out and want to talk, give me a call." I said okay, and we ended the conversation.
All of this to say, I knew this morning that discussing the feelings I was having with my H would be a BAD idea right now. I'm still trying to sort out in my own head and heart what it is I really want, and need, to do, for myself. I'm really pretty torqued right now, but I know that will change in a couple of days and I don't want to make any decisions I will regret. That's not to say I won't still think that something has to change. I really do believe that the situation cannot continue the way it has been going. But I need to be able to do this with a clear head, one not clouded by too much emotion, be it anger, sadness, what have you.
And you are right Puppy, I need to pray on this, too.
Me: 38 H: 41 M: 12 D12, S10 H began EA: 7/08 H moved out: 9/30/08 Bomb (sleeping with OW): 10/23/08
My story: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1638048&page=2#Post1638048
