I always thought that dinner table time was important, too. We do the same thing at our house. I look back at my childhood and realize as I got older that that was some of the only times I had to talk to my parents (busy teen with sports and schoolwork, personal life, etc.).
You may want to think more about the Christmas thing and how to respond. Why hope she doesn't elaborate? Tell her why. "I can't have a marriage with you when you are with T. Spending holidays together is part of a marriage and a marriage can't have 3 people in it." When she gets snotty just say, "You know I wouldn't want anything more than have you choose our marriage. But, I can't pretend we have a happy separated family. It is not happy." You don't want her to think that you don't want the together Christmas because it is too hard on you, you want her to know that you don't want the shared Christmas because you aren't going to pretend that T doesn't exist anymore. I know you don't want to rock the boat at holiday time....but really think about this. Pray about this.
Christmas may do something for you guys. Believe me, you and your wife's names are in my prayers EVERY day. Do not give up hope.
