Hmama, Does your H think he deleted his OW correspondence before you could make copies? If so, he's likely in for a nasty surprise a la Newman when you go to court.
I suppose he does think that. Which is why I printed it out fairly soon. Which is funny, because he continues to claim there is no other relationship.
See, I originally found it on his email, forwarded to mine. And to him, that's the greatest iniquity and crossing of borders ever. Of course, that's to distract from the boundary that he crossed by having an A!
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
Puppy--I came across this quote of yours on another thread, and lights and bells went off:
Quote:
Allowing someone caught up in immorality to feel the consequences of their poor choices is a BENEFICIAL thing, not a bad thing. It is allowing their inner conscience to struggle between their core beliefs and their new wayward behavior, which they know is inherently wrong.
For us Christians, it can be said that the conviction of the Holy Spirit, working on their heart, is a GOOD thing. The Proverbs say that only a loving father reproves a son or daughter.
Put more simply, a cheater SHOULD feel pain. It's healthy, and it shows they still have a conscience, and are struggling with their choices.
I think I inherently knew this, and it's another reason H's lack of consequences bothers me. No consequences = no need to reconcile his behavior with his (previous) values, no consequences = no need to make changes, no consequences = supporting his narcissistic worldview.
H does have a conscience in there somewhere. I've seen him struggle with things in the past, I've experienced him apologizing to me for rather picayune things (way in the past). I was just a good friend of his when he broke up with a fiance years ago, and he felt so awful for having caused her pain (they simply weren't a good match). So in a way, his lack of conscience in all of this is mostly out of character. And the lack of consequences he's faced isn't helping.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
I suppose he does think that. Which is why I printed it out fairly soon. Which is funny, because he continues to claim there is no other relationship.
omg, I hadn't thought of this!!! Do you really suppose he thinks you DON'T have these???
Classic . . .
He did make a reference one day in anger--"are you going to use that against me in court?!" It was said in a mocking manner. I don't know what to think. Every time I make a reference to the affair--not in a challenging, disparaging or otherwise emotion-laden way, but simply as a fact of our lives--he blows up. So I rarely mention it--it's completely non-productive. But yes, it WILL come up in court. My attorney has a copy--he read over it in front of me, definitely wanted to keep it in my file. This is a no-fault state, and my attorney said we wouldn't even be allowed to state OW's name, but that it's a factor in visitation if he's spending a lot of time with OW, and may be an unconscious factor in support because it's proof of why he left. My attorney is also aware that part of the final settlement will address that D will not have to be present with OW through the duration of the school year. That will have to be bilateral--but that's not a problem.
But I think his intense and persistent denial has less to do with support than with his narcissism and fantasy life. He continues to claim that the breakdown of the marriage was my fault, he's done nothing wrong, he's the victim, in fact. And I think he really does believe that, because he's such a golden boy in other areas of his life. It doesn't really matter, tho--I just want to be able to live a normal life, and child/spousal support will be necessary for that.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
