WOW LHS! You are really losing a lot of weight! That's great! Hopefully your H has noticed this and will be made to question his choices even more!
Just a quick recap of my W's weight sitch: My W was about 180 when I met her and I thought she looked great! Of course, she did not think so and was always kind of hiding, not wanting to go out and stuff, wearing black loose cloting, etc... I have always told her that I think she looks good, trying to pick out clothing for her that would make her look good. However, during the time I was depressed (~2 yrs up to fall 2007), I don't think I said these things that much at all. She has consistently stated that she wants to lose weight, but with having twins and the housework that comes with that, she gained weight and was around 215 at her heaviest. We have done some dieting together, because I wanted to lose weight also, but it never was successful. When she told me that she wanted to lose weight, I told her that that was a good idea, but that she does not need to do that for me. I know this sounds like I am just saying this in hindsight, but it's the honest truth: I loved her the way she was when we met, when she was heaviest, now... I told her that what I want most from her is to be happy with herself! She had always wanted another tattoo, so I thought that I would give her an incentive to achieve her goal (that she set at 160) and told her I would pay for her next tattoo when she achieved that. During my depressed period, I'm sure I wasn't as confirming of my love as before, and that is when she was heaviest.
Then she started taking a migraine medication that causes you to lose appetite and that's when she really started losing weight. She got to 160 last Dec (so after the "bomb") and I paid for her to get a nice tattoo in Jan. By late summer she got to 136 !! and that's where she still is at. So her weight is stable since about July/August. She still keeps me up to date on what her weight is, without me asking anything. For the past year, I have been telling her again on a regular basis how good she looks, and she still brushes it off most of the time (with a "I'm ok" response, like she used to when she was heavier), but the last couple of months, sometimes I get a "thanks!" (mostly with sort of an embarrassed look on her face). Thanks is all I ever needed her to say, like she knows I mean it. She used to always tell me that I HAD to say that because she is my wife, like I don't mean it.... Then she lost all that weight, I got out of my depressed state and started telling her again that she looked good, and I think she took it as confirmation that I WAS just saying it before and ONLY NOW I really mean it. This is the recurring thing in her head (and she has told me this, last time was a while ago tho, maybe June?). In her words: "I know you told me that you were depressed before and didn't give me much attention because of that, but to me it's just a strange coincidence that now that I have lost weight, you give me a LOT of attention!". Earlier in the year, during our R talks, I have told her time and time again that I have always loved her very much and that my depression was work-related. I did feel a little neglected because she started spending a lot of time working on her business she was starting (Spring/Summer 2007), but that was not the root cause of my depression I believe.
As far as her art and work, I have always been impressed with them and I have been, and still am complimenting her about those things. She seeks my opinion on most of her work even now and I tell her, which I am pretty sure she appreciates, because it looks GREAT all the time. As far as her weight, she will tell me what size pants she's wearing on a regular basis. On Thanksgiving day, she wants to show me the tag on her jeans (which is in the back, inside the waist) so that I can see that they are size 6 and she lifts her shirt a little and pulls out the waist so I can see the tag. She stood with her back to me and I did not know what she was trying to do and so I look down and say: "Yes... very nice... very sexy!", she did what she usually does and ignored that and acts a little embarrassed and says to look at the tag, that it's a size 6! To that I said that's great!
All of this makes me think that she still doesn't know what to do with the "guy" attention (not just from me, I'm sure), it might still be overwhelming to her? But she does still seek out my words of affirmation (both in her work achievements as well as her looks). With those actions, would she be trying to see if I am still consistent and trying to convince herself that my words are genuine? Could the "thanks" responses be an indication that she's starting to realize that maybe I was being honest before with my compliments about her looks?
