God grant me the patience and the strength...9

[a new 2moro]

you dont feel it because based on what i have gleaned from the bits and pieces you have said your whole marriage has been one of use and abuse.

You have let this man emotionally and physically abuse you and make excuses for it.....you have locked your self in a shell of denial and shut down and convinced your self the bad love is better than no love. NO NO and NO

you made all those changes for him and wagging your tail like a puppy waiting for his approval. It floored you when he left you thought those those things you did for him would keep him. face it he barely noticed...well he noticed but you got very little approval,

this has got to start for you and the girls.....you have been avioding the big D which is not divorce but REAL Detachment becoz its gonna hurt and you will be responsible for you and your happiness...only you. you cant fathom life w/o him...so you do what ever it takes to keep him in your life including devaluing you as low as a common whore.....and a street fighter. pretty low stuff huh?

You thought beating up OW would show him what lenghts you would go to him....who did he console??? Not you.....men dont like needy women man dont want a woman that grovels at their feet. men dont want a woman who willing to scratch someone's eyes out. But he is a damaged person too....damaged before MLC.

Please seek counseling, call the abuse hotline and get a mentor who will help you break this chain. He wont do it....it has to start with you fixing you. Then you may leave the door ajar OR you may actually find you dont want him.