God grant me the patience and the strength...9

[a new 2moro]

you dont feel it because based on what i have gleaned from the bits and pieces you have said your whole marriage has been one of use and abuse.

You have let this man emotionally and physically abuse you and make excuses for it.....you have locked your self in a shell of denial and shut down and convinced your self the bad love is better than no love. NO NO and NO

you made all those changes for him and wagging your tail like a puppy waiting for his approval. It floored you when he left you thought those those things you did for him would keep him. face it he barely noticed...well he noticed but you got very little approval,

this has got to start for you and the girls.....you have been avioding the big D which is not divorce but REAL Detachment becoz its gonna hurt and you will be responsible for you and your happiness...only you. you cant fathom life w/o him...so you do what ever it takes to keep him in your life including devaluing you as low as a common whore.....and a street fighter. pretty low stuff huh?

You thought beating up OW would show him what lenghts you would go to him....who did he console??? Not you.....men dont like needy women man dont want a woman that grovels at their feet. men dont want a woman who willing to scratch someone's eyes out. But he is a damaged person too....damaged before MLC.

Please seek counseling, call the abuse hotline and get a mentor who will help you break this chain. He wont do it....it has to start with you fixing you. Then you may leave the door ajar OR you may actually find you dont want him.

[theotherhalf]

an2m, I really value your opinion, thoughts, advice, and freindship. But you really don't have a clue.

My M may not have always been the best. My H may not be the H he should/could be. He has his faults, don't get me wrong, but don't we all. He has been mean at times, cruel other times, but never abusive. Our lives REALLY are not like that. No exuses, no pretend, no denial. That is fact. My M has been full of freindship, kindness, loyalty, love, honor, faith, but not always perfect. Wouldn't have wanted it anyother way. This was all before MLC. Since then it has been totally the opposite.

Believe what you want. It doesn't matter. Your entitled to your opinion. But your not here. You have not walked in my shoes or in my life. My H was a GOOD GOOD man before MLC. I believe with all my heart that he is still there somewhere. No pretending...that's faith.

[theotherhalf]

You thought beating up OW would show him what lenghts you would go to him....who did he console??? Not you.....men dont like needy women man dont want a woman that grovels at their feet. men dont want a woman who willing to scratch someone's eyes out. But he is a damaged person too....damaged before MLC

I beat up the whore because the b*tch has ruined other marriages before mine, slept with my H years ago, then wouldn't not leave him alone this time, and got away with all of it. She has hurt soooo many people and yet continues to do so without so much as an I'm sorry. She deserved EVERYTHING she got and then some, just sorry I did it WHERE I did it. He didn't console anyone, he ran like a coward. I did what I did because of what SHE did, it had NOTHING to do with H, nor was it for ANY reaction out of him.

[LL44]

He has been mean at times, cruel other times, but never abusive.

I hate to see this because he has has hit you and pushed you in the past, no? Why is that not abuse to you?

She deserved EVERYTHING she got and then some, just sorry I did it WHERE I did it.

Wow. That's scary. Is that what you are teaching your daughters, that violence is ok as long as you can get away with it?

He didn't console anyone, he ran like a coward.

He stayed with OW. He did nothing to help you.

I did what I did because of what SHE did, it had NOTHING to do with H, nor was it for ANY reaction out of him.

Sorry, don't believe you.

a new's previous post was spot on. Dead on. Please TOH, I think you need some counseling to see that you are a wonderful person. That your H is using you. That your H isn't turning around any time soon. That you have to move on without him before he even begins to see what he would be losing.

[theotherhalf]

Why is that not abuse to you

I agree that it isn't right. Ever. But I have never have been abused. By my H anyway.

Is that what you are teaching your daughters, that violence is ok as long as you can get away with it?

I wish you could ask my D17 and N14 this question. They would tell you absolutely not! Violence is not okay. And never said I wished I would have gotten away with it. I commited a crime, broke the law and deserved to be punished for that. But I did not commit Burglary.

He stayed with OW. He did nothing to help you.

H did not stay with OW. He left as soon as I knocked on the door. If you mean after the fact. I am no so sure that he didn't do this to smooth her over so that they'd go light on me. Because as soon as court was over, they were done. In his mind, that is how he helped me. And money wise too.

Sorry, don't believe you.

lwb, I don't lie. I swear to you on my life. But it really doesn't matter what you believe, I and God know what happened that night. He knows why it happened and how. That is all that really matters.

[theotherhalf]

a new's previous post was spot on. Dead on. Please TOH, I think you need some counseling to see that you are a wonderful person. That your H is using you.

I don't need a counselor, or H, or you, or anyone else to tell me that I am a wonderful person. I KNOW that I am. An yes, my H is using me at times. But I am using him at times too. lwb, what are REAL friends for, if not to lean on. Not saying some of what he pulls isn't totally wrong, I know that too. But hard to draw the line.

That your H isn't turning around any time soon.

What you believe, but you don't know that. Neither do I. I am not saying he is.

That you have to move on without him before he even begins to see what he would be losing.

Maybe so, I can see this being very true, and in time I pray I'll find a way. In time. Maybe I won't have to.

[a new 2moro]

wow scarey! I really dont think any of us here can help you after reading your past couple of posts

Yes he is a coward...thats why he latched on to a needy subservient person with low esteem for a mate. thats why he has a lowlife OW. you both are willing to feed his need to feel good and be in charge. he knows she will be at his beckon call to play with when he needs and he knows you will do what ever it takes to keep him. .....I was in a R just like this before I met my H for 10years!!!!! I know the signs very well.

This was not all OW's fault takes two to tango.

I would say its pretty clear he wont be out of the tunnel any time soon. He doesnt have to. you will take any piece of him you can have w/o him budging a centimeter. for for him life is cushy.

[theotherhalf]

an2m, I really really wish you could come meet me. Talk to my family and friends. Anybody and everybody that knows me would tell you, you are waaaayyy of the mark here...
"needy subservient person with low esteem for a mate"
You couldn't be more wrong when judging me. And my H.

"I know the signs very well."
Well, sorry, but you are wrong.

"This was not all OW's fault takes two to tango."

I have never denied that. But what happened between her and I was between her and I and for what she's done to me and my family. H knows he's done very wrong and he's paying for it every single day. She on the other hand doesn't have a clue nor does she care.

"for him life is cushy"
Again, your wrong. On the outside yes, he keeps telling himself that. But he cannot deny who he is forever...

an2m I thank you for trying to be a friend, being here for me, and offering your advice. I wish you all the best in your sitch. But you are way to judgemental and closed minded. You think you KNOW me and my H and your so very wrong. I understand where you think some of the things you do but again, your wrong. Everyone is entitled to their own thoughts and opinions but please from now on keep them to yourself. I am struggling so much with all this and the last thing I need is someone trying to bring me down farther. What I need is someone understand, open minded, and supportive. Someone to not be so judgemental and so sure they KNOW and are right.
Good luck to you.

TOH

[MidwesternGirl]

"I beat up the whore because the b*tch has ruined other marriages before mine, slept with my H years ago, then wouldn't not leave him alone this time, and got away with all of it. She has hurt soooo many people and yet continues to do so without so much as an I'm sorry. She deserved EVERYTHING she got and then some, just sorry I did it WHERE I did it. He didn't console anyone, he ran like a coward. I did what I did because of what SHE did, it had NOTHING to do with H, nor was it for ANY reaction out of him."


This is going to get you in trouble over and over. Life is not fair and yes, she may have ruined other people's lives but who are you to take it upon yourself to go and beat her up the way you did. Let a higher authority take care of her, not you.

I am sure your H is not impressed that his wife busted into someone's home and beat up a woman. You may have felt betTer afterwards but look what it got you.

You have to seek some sort of help to deal with your emotions because you are also on probation, am I correct?

[Bworl]

I think that we all need to be reminded that there is a clear LINE between offering advice, even administering the occasional loving 2x4, and just plain being mean-spirited.

That line is getting crossed repeatedly in the last couple days on this thread.

We all need to remind ourselves that we are basing our impressions of another's situation on what we have read here only. We are NOT where they are SEEING what they see. More importantly, we have NOT lived their life with them.

None of us should be so arrogant as to classify another person's life based on the crap they are currently going through.

an2m, I recall when your husband came home. He would NOT be intimate with you, he continue sleeping with his OW, and he would not remove her from his rental property. While I remember lots of people encouraging you towards certain responses, I don't remember ANYONE telling you that you were treating yourself like a whore by allowing him to stay.

Those kinds of remarks simply cross the line.

Say what you have to say, offer your advice, but leave the judgemental remarks in your head. No one who is going through a mess like we have all gone through needs to come HERE, our place of SAFETY, and get verbally bashed on a regular basis.


Just MY humble opinion.


Blessings,

Bill