aliens undercover: married to the pod

[hoosiermama]

Puppy--I came across this quote of yours on another thread, and lights and bells went off:

Allowing someone caught up in immorality to feel the consequences of their poor choices is a BENEFICIAL thing, not a bad thing. It is allowing their inner conscience to struggle between their core beliefs and their new wayward behavior, which they know is inherently wrong.

For us Christians, it can be said that the conviction of the Holy Spirit, working on their heart, is a GOOD thing. The Proverbs say that only a loving father reproves a son or daughter.

Put more simply, a cheater SHOULD feel pain. It's healthy, and it shows they still have a conscience, and are struggling with their choices.

I think I inherently knew this, and it's another reason H's lack of consequences bothers me. No consequences = no need to reconcile his behavior with his (previous) values, no consequences = no need to make changes, no consequences = supporting his narcissistic worldview.

H does have a conscience in there somewhere. I've seen him struggle with things in the past, I've experienced him apologizing to me for rather picayune things (way in the past). I was just a good friend of his when he broke up with a fiance years ago, and he felt so awful for having caused her pain (they simply weren't a good match). So in a way, his lack of conscience in all of this is mostly out of character. And the lack of consequences he's faced isn't helping.