I think given how long this has been going on, with the present status quo that you can't just suddenly stop writing e-mails and expect him to "get it". He might not perceive you as upset or that he's losing you.
My opinion is, that if you have not expressed it before, that you tell him, in no uncertain terms, that your patience isn't limitless, you are not just going to be the woman that sends him goody baskets, and that you are planning to get your life in order in anticipation of moving on without him.
I would send this message, and then I wouldn't return any more e-mails unless it was ONLY about the kids. I would not talk on the phone with him AT ALL, unless it's about the kids. I would only answer questions that related to the kids. And I would make myself as dark as possible. It wouldn't hurt to have him call and have a babysitter tell him that you are out. What military guy doesn't fear that his wife will get a wandering eye while he's away. He doesn't know he wants you right now....but he will when he perceives you as gone.
It's time for hardball. Put away the girly softball mitt and make it clear that you will be fine without him.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
