How am I doing? Need some encouragement......

[lovehimso]

Okay, this really sucks! My answer to your question got totally cut off! WTH?

Let's see if I can remember what I said and try this again. I know I won't be able to say it the way I did the first time, but I'll see if I can come close.



Okay, now, finally to your question! :-) From my perspective, I don't think that someone who loses a large amount of weight loses their personality. When someone gains a large amount of weight, there are usually emotional and psychological issues involved. I think what happens is the "real" person gets lost under all of that, and when the weight comes off, you struggle to remember who that person was. I know I am struggling with that myself.

And I don't think it's the weight loss, per se, that causes it. It's the fact that no longer are you trying to "eat" your problems. You're having to find different ways to deal with your depression, marital problems, whatever it was that you were trying to avoid in the first place by busying yourself with food.

When you're heavy, I think you tend to drop into a depression, even if you were already depressed before the weight came on. But the weight gain exacerbates it. You begin to feel worse and worse about yourself, not only about your appearance, but about the fact that you feel like you do not have control over it. You begin to question if you have control over anything. You don't go out and do things as much, because you're down and because of the weight you don't have very much energy even if you WANTED to go do something. Which continues the downward spiral of depression and eating to try to drown all of those scary thoughts.

Once you break that cycle and the weight starts to comes off, you are faced with all of that emotion, all of the questions about yourself. You begin to realize that you don't really know who you are anymore, because you haven't done anything for yourself because you thought you weren't worth it. You're still not sure you're worth it, because look what a failure you have been all this time!

Anyway, I don't know if your wife is going through any of these issues, but I would guess that she is. She's struggling to find herself again. She has to learn to feel good about herself again. And that's a whole new way to live, which can feel very scary because you're not used to that. I know that's how it is for me. And I'm not even really at that point, yet, completely, because I still have a long way to go to get to the weight I want to be. But, I am no longer dealing with my emotions by drowning them in food. I'm having to face things head-on. It's really a whole new way of life, and it's uncomfortable. It's a good thing, but it's not my comfort zone.

It's amazing to realize how much TIME I used to spend with food. Planning meals, shopping for food, cooking, thinking about what I was going to eat next, cleaning up the dishes from all those meals and snacks. Now what do I do with all that time? Gotta find something to fill it, and I can't even remember anything else that I like to do.

I hope that helps, Sam. I know I kind of rambled, but I hope you can glean something from my experience that will help you understand your wife a little better.