I think that all this is just extreme sadness on my part, covered up by lashing out and "undifferentiated anger" over something I can't control. It's a process..............
I came across a picture I took of all 3 of the kids at Cape Cod about 5 years ago for our Christmas Card this morning. It just killed me. Sorry.
YAs I sat across from STBXW, I recognized the outer container, but inside the container was someone I didn't recognize at all.
I call stbx a sack of bones, what goodness he had when we were together is gone, he is now this empty shell looking like what was my H. In another life I had a good decent H, he still lives in the back of my mind, wayyyy back. This dofus isn't my H or a man I'd ever want to be.
Yes, this too will pass)))))))))) at the danger of sounding corny, when we want God to give us patience he gives us the opportunity to be be patient (yes, I also wish I weren't given so many opportunities)
I too vent here and say things I'd never say in front of the kids, only you guys would understand, so vent away.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
FLTC, your D16 might not talk to you even if you were under the same roof.....but you're right, at least you could SEE her! There are days my D18 just goes to her room and closes the door).
I know the holidays are hard for you....me, too. Just when I think I am doing fine something will hit me and I'll be sad (like seeing my exH's stocking that I made for him 30 years ago. One moment I want to burn it; another moment I want to stuff it with goodies and put it on his new doorstep). Guess the rollercoaster of emotions continues even after divorce!
So, we need to figure out how to deal with triggers (like family photos for you!). Any ideas?
Ahhh. The stocking, Mattie. I went to drop my S10 off the other day, and I carried his hockey bag in for him. There on the mantle were three stockings: STBXs, D16, S10. (Not mine OR D18) It ripped what little heart I have out.
Some good news, however: I saw the woman I re-met at the gym after about 10 years last night We laughed at our daughters; she has two the same ages as mine.
A big take azway from Iraq is life is too short. We're just a 107mm rocket away from death at any moment (or a bus accident here!) I don't want to mourn anymore. Today, I don't want to be a victim. "f" that.
Finally, as she was about to leave, I asked her if she's like to go have diner one night. Pre-Iraq, I would never muster the courage or would have said "oh, I'm still married". She said "I'd like that". So would I. She's 44, I'm 53. Too big of an age difference? I don't think so, but what do you guys think? Maybe if she was 30, even 40 yes.
She's funny, smart and good looking, and as sarcastic as I am. I need some fun in my life, not a mother or a therapist. No expectations.
That's not too big of an age difference IMHO. But be careful because you are still hurting. I'm sure you will be. Maybe just a few dinners before the big D and then see where it goes. That's all you're probably doing anyway.
FL, when you wrote the about the stockings and how it made you feel, I wonder how it makes your daughter feel. She's 18 and her mother chose to exclude her from her holidays. That's cold FL. Icy cold. You can divorce your spouse, but I guess some people can D their kids too. Sheeesh. I believe there's something wrong with her. I know you're disappointed with your daughter FL, and you do need to make her realize she can't treat you like crap, but could your STBX be causing some of this acting out? Hell, look at the crazy things you've done as a result of all of this. I can't imagine doing that FL.
Anyway, you're absolutely right. Life is short. I bought my son's girlfriend a T-shirt for Christmas. She's about 5 feet nothing. It says:
