Been bopping around the boards but haven't posted on my thread today! Was thinking A LOT this morning about posting on a new goal...but got sidetracked by work (ha!) and other stuff.
Things remain really good at home. h is doing great -- we had a good moment this AM -- he was really stressed and peeved -- I handled it well and he ended up calling back and apologizing and making funny jokes about it. It's nice to rebound quickly from stuff like that!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
P.S. didn't mean to be a bummer with the "law school marraige" comment. He's gonna love sharing all that exciting stuff with you and you'll do a great job supporting/cheerleading him.
Quoting talitsa: How did you handle it that made a difference?
Well...h was so irked and annoyed but about stuff that had nothing to do with anything I had done. also, he was SO much more irked (IMHO) than the sitch called for. Those two thing made it VERY easy for me to not personalize his anger and not REACT. I listened to his mini-rant, validated a bit, offered a solution or two (including MY going and doing something) and then (realizing that he may not want a solution) said something like "yikes, are you interested in hearing about my ideas or would you rather just talk?"
I think the key was that I kept from personalizing it, from getting emotional and actually kept my sense of humor.
Quote: P.S. didn't mean to be a bummer with the "law school marraige" comment. He's gonna love sharing all that exciting stuff with you and you'll do a great job supporting/cheerleading him.
No prob. See, THAT was me personalizing an innocent comment! I'll admit a fear of changes to our sitch since things seem to be going so well right now...I'm also still a bit raw over the "I don't want to be married to anyone" comments I heard from h.
Funny, though, last night we were talking about an international elective at his school -- I think it's something like 3 weeks in Sweden and I said something like "wow, that would be really cool if you were interested in going!" and he looked at me and said "honey, I'm not interested at all in that. I don't want to be away from you for 3 weeks!"
(I still think it would be cool if he wanted to go but I can understand not wanting to be away from me for that long -- LOL!!!)
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
HI Sage, thought I'd reply here...three days since a post on Sage's thread?????
Sage, I understand you feeling gunshy. When I copied over the posts for CJ to read, the first one (from May) was full of doubts about whether he really wanted to be here, how and when he rediscovered his "love" for me, lots of uncertainty.
It has been REALLY helpful to me to get these messages from CJ, and for some reason he finds it easier to express these sentiments in writing, vs speech.
I never came right out and ASKED him if he was back in this M, or anything like that. I just kind of opened the door and he stepped up to the plate (how's that for mixed metaphors? ).
I think from your H's actions and loving words, that he would NOT give you an "I don't want to be married to anyone" reply!!!
Why not give the guy a chance to tell you what you so want to hear? I KNOW that although nothing else tangible has changed, since reading CJ's words, I feel much more at peace and safe in this M.
Quoting shinybear: HI Sage, thought I'd reply here...three days since a post on Sage's thread?????
We had a busy weekend...and I've been tied up at work today! I've been thinking about posting all day but just haven't gotten around to it.
Quote: It has been REALLY helpful to me to get these messages from CJ, and for some reason he finds it easier to express these sentiments in writing, vs speech.
I never came right out and ASKED him if he was back in this M, or anything like that. I just kind of opened the door and he stepped up to the plate (how's that for mixed metaphors? ).
So...how did you open up the door? Aside from my gunshyness about h saying he's still not sure he wants to be married...is my overall gunshyness regarding asking for support/reassurance. It just doesn't seem as though I put requests out there very well...
Quote: I think from your H's actions and loving words, that he would NOT give you an "I don't want to be married to anyone" reply!!!
Well, I'm hopeful that you're right.
Quote: Why not give the guy a chance to tell you what you so want to hear? I KNOW that although nothing else tangible has changed, since reading CJ's words, I feel much more at peace and safe in this M.
Quote: Do YOU have any icky "anniversaries" coming up?
I knew I was in DENIAL about this...your question prompted me to go back to my emails and find out for sure...8/19/02 was the day h. said "I want a divorce". It was after a fight we had about FF -- resulting in him telling me I was "evil" and "paranoid". Of course, 11/1/02 was the day I found proof of the A for certain.
I just freaked myself out and reread some emails from 8/19 -> DDay -- when clearly something was wrong...h was in EA...but was still partly in m with me. I must be smartening up because I stopped around mid-september. Was feeling badly enough by then!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
So...despite my currently freaked out state (revisiting the past! Yikes!), I do want to post that we had a very good weekend. I met h in town after his class and we went out for drinks (Friday). Sat. we went to see the Sox play and then out for an early dinner. h studied when we got home. Yesterday h played a double header while I cheered him on! Then more studying for him (he's doing SO great) while I relaxed. We had a nice dinner and an early night.
h has been saying and doing a lot of wonderful things...he's been very loving...and he's been including me in his new schoolwork...reading me parts of it, chatting with me about it. That makes me feel really good.
My intention today was to start a new thread...for the last few days I've realized that I'm still clinging to fear over the future...fears that h will leave me...that I am not enough for him. I realized last night that this type of mindset was a contributing factor to the issues in our M. Yah, it stinks to be "working without a net" but that's the way life is! I need to stop beating myself up for my perceived failures as a wife...I need to stop questioning (only in my head, of course) the "realness" of what's going on...I need to remind myself to appreciate each moment I have today and not get mired in past (ahem) or future.
I hadn't really expected to be feeling so sad right now...I guess that's what a trip down memory lane will do for you. So...not only is an attitude adjustment in order...but it's probably even MORE warranted given the timing.
I'll post a link as soon as I got one!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
I'll admit a fear of changes to our sitch since things seem to be going so well right now...I'm also still a bit raw over the "I don't want to be married to anyone" comments I heard from h. 
Well, I'm hopeful that you're right.