here's my 2 cents on your need for closure - do what ever you need to do to get it. If it means talking, then do it.
In my C session the other day (you may remember form my thread I'm seeing this guy who's authored some awsome books on marriage intimacy and separation issues), we talked some about infidelity (I was going over a moment from my past with my W in which I had to deal with her indiscretion).
He acknowledged that there are two schools of thought on the issue - one says talking does no good, the other says talk it out so you can heal. He's squarely in the second camp, and as I recall from DR, I think Michelle generally is too.
Point is, you can't heal until you reach closure for yourself, and that requires that ALL of your reasonable questions be answered. Now I know that dealing with the OP in this circumstance can be tricky, but I'm positive you can handle it in a way that doesn't threaten your H - and frankly, he'll know deep down that he shouldn't be upset over your need to do this.
