Cat, I have a bit of a different twist. My kids (all girls) were a bit older when going through all of this a long time ago and I DID fight the custody issues and hard. I'll tell you why. It has NOTHING to do with jealousy or revenge issues. It had everything to do with raising kids at a certain age. My two youngest were 14 and 16 at the time their dad starting shacking up with a drug addict who called herself a PayPal whore. They were in a one-bed apartment and my ex was fighting me for co-custody, meaning they were to live with him part time.
I countered to his proposed agreement that he had to be in at least a two bed place, did not have the OW present, and if need be, provide transportation for the kids to their high school (he lived in different district), and pay any tuition necessary as per Ohio law if required because the school would argue whether or not their primary residence was in the town I was living in.
Some people thought I was being cruel or jealous or vengeful. Nope. Realities of the situation. I ended up being awarded full custody. Told the kids they were free to drive over there at any time by themselves (the 16YO had her DL by then, and the two older out of my 4 could drive too). Only stipulation was no overnights and my kids were good with that...they didn't like the OW's drama laden life either. Life sucked enough for them trying to adjust without having to possibly change high schools at that time and learning to cope without living with their dad and mom together.
Don't think for a minute that something in your gut is telling you this situation could be a less than good situation for your kids. If your gut is telling you something, then listen to it. This woman does sound like a piece of work. Your kids have enough to adjust to with a divorce let alone living in a soap opera like that trying to adjust.
Sometimes I do think we bend over too much in the thought that perhaps we are being revengeful or jealous. If not fighting the custody arrangements will only make you feel more resentful because you see your kids are not doing as well as you think they can, then I say do try to change those arrangements and fight it. Listen to your heart and think it out. I'm just trying to provide a different perspective for you. I was and am very happy I did fight my ex wanting "co-custody." It was a crock o'crap in my view. Someone needs to be a strong advocate for their minor children...that someone should be a strong, loving, wise parent.
