JWM - you have to elaborate... not sure how i'd play his non-verbal ques to my advantage... although LE had good suggestion to acknowledge it and show my concern.
I don't think I'll get papers b/c I asked him that .. but he could tell me he is going to file soon or something to that effect.
I think I'm going to be prepared to not answer anything.. acknowledge his request and anything that I'm unsure of I'll just say " can I get back to you on that, or I'll think about that" .. my H isn't controling so letting him feel in control and me just a pleasant listener and not overly communicative will be 180.. I would normally ask a lot of questions or make a bigger converstation out of nothing... talk less listen more...
I want to bring up our 4 yr old... she had a melt down today when he left... she is feeling so insecure and crying all the time when he leaves... so hard for me to understand that he must have been that miserable to not come back and try when his 4 yr old is calling him and hanging on him.. I know this eats at him and is what makes him cry...he cried thanksgiving night when she started crying then too... I know DB says not to go there but I think for my H if I go there some in regards to the kids it makes him have to feel and acknowledge what he has done.... he is a stuffer and pushes these tough feelings down when not confronted with it he can turn it off .... I'm going to ask my C tomorrow about this.
thanks everyone...
Me: 38/H:40 M:7yrs TG: 10yrs 2Girls: 4yr & 7 month old Bomb 8/22/08 OW/EA/PA 8/23/08 with 25yr old Moved out 9/22/08
TxMom!!! IMO, it's best not to bring up the kids unless he wants to discuss D's melt down. Don't make him feel like you are blaming him. That will only make him defensive...and that's not what you need here!
I'll be rooting and praying for you tomorrow afternoon.
Hugs to you!!! Amy
Me 39 H 36 S 7 S 4 T 15 M 12 H out 8/1/08 OW confirmed 8/6/08 D final on 6/12/09...I'm doing good!
I agree with Amy M. Your H knows he's stuffing up big time with your D4. Pointing it out to him makes YOU the bad guy in his eyes. Remember, he's comparing OW, who is making him feel like a MAN, feel good and forget his troubles. And he's got you on the otherhand, giving him the guilt trip, reminding him of his faults and his inadequacies as a Dad. Who is he going to choose???
{{{TxMom}}} I know as a Mom, you want to protect your little ones. It's so natural and ingrained that you do it naturally and you will fight with your teeth to not let them get hurt. Could you maybe look at it from another point of view? If you can get H to stay with you for good, wouldn't that be the best thing for your kids? So if the situation now is for you to keep the expectations to yourself and not complain, couldn't you do that in the best interest of D4? I know it's counterintuitive. But I think that's what Amy M and I are saying.
Stay on his good side now. There will be times when you can both work out your issues later. Work smart against OW. Don't be the whining one in this triangle anymore. Let OW be the one whinging about his time, his devotion to D4 and his reluctance to file.
Me:39 H:40 S:9 D:7 First Bomb ONS:June 07 Second Bomb OW: March 08 Separated: March 08 M:15 yrs T:18 yrs H deep into A with OW Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09
OK... need prayers.. I'm leaving my house in 40 mins.. meeting a mexican resturant down the street to have a strong margarita and appetizers about 5pm .....
I wasn't nervous and he seems fine on the phone
Me: 38/H:40 M:7yrs TG: 10yrs 2Girls: 4yr & 7 month old Bomb 8/22/08 OW/EA/PA 8/23/08 with 25yr old Moved out 9/22/08
Good luck! Referring back to the old Mad magazine, do you have plenty of snappy answers for stupid questions? Or better yet, have the "You know, that is a question I would like to think about for a bit, I'll get back to you with an answer." If he presses for an answer he is trying to wrestle control from you. If he is uncomfortable, you are in control. That is where you want to be. Remember, this is a business meeting and you are leaving your emotions in the car. They will be waiting for you when you come back. Good luck, off to say a prayer!
LE
Last edited by Little Engine; 12/04/0809:59 PM.
M42 S12/D9 T17/M12 Bomb 1 3/22/06 Bomb 2 7/11/08 Bomb 3 7/31/08 W Filed 8/1/08 D granted 12/17/08 D Finalized 1/29/09
A man who compromises his principles never had them in the first place.
I couldn't manage to get on yesterday and I'm off to run errans for my daughters birthday party today.. I will be on tomorrow and update... it went ok mainly scheduling talk and I didnt' say much and he noticed and made a comment about it... I told him I'd think about Christmas and let him know. He brought up D and then started saying how sorry he was about everything and that is when the tears started coming on ...we were both crying by the end of it all ... very sad...
more later thanks to everyone
Me: 38/H:40 M:7yrs TG: 10yrs 2Girls: 4yr & 7 month old Bomb 8/22/08 OW/EA/PA 8/23/08 with 25yr old Moved out 9/22/08
