As always, thank you for the time you take to help me.
I am going to get the book you recommended this weekend. It is time to start reading some Buddhist philosphy. That said, I am going to have to find my way to accept the approach. It sounds like it will definitely help me feel less miserable, but right now I cannot wrap my mind around letting go of hope.
Clearly a big struggle for me as both you and Cotoffguard have already posted to me on this problem of mine several times. I have more work to do to make myself feel better.
When I got home from work tonight, I had a big old breakdown - did it up Beth-style, lots of sobbing a good ache in the chest - classic. Could not figure out, why today? My mom suggested that it was caused by H traveling. I think she is on to something. It makes me feel abandoned (we know this is a big issue for me) and it makes me feel like we have no chance to reconcile because he can just pick up and leave the city any time. Clearly, another area for improvement.
Why is the detaching/letting go of hope thing so bloody difficult for me? Why can't I get to a better place for myself? I realize I am the only one standing in my way.
I am feeling a bit calmer, now.
Thanks again for your help through this, you, too Cotoffguard.
