Bagheera - Man I hear you on the MC/ST but it is out of the question now that we are struggling financially. When you are worrying about buying the groceries and paying the mortgage, a C is a luxury we just can't afford. Even if we could I know her too well, it wouldn't change anything with her anyway. I don't want to fix anyone, I just want someone that naturally wants a SL.
If there was even a glimmer of her *really* trying, I would try. Besides this being the second time around again, it's all so stupid. She has a man that loves her dearly yet she operates in her own little world. I'm not sure why it's such a big deal for me to leave other than I am her source of income. She won't give me the affection that I want and yet won't release me either. I have already said that I have the feeling that I just annoy her by being around.
Honestly when we went through our separation/divorce years ago, I was shocked that she fought so hard to win me back. I thought we were through, why else would you stop sleeping with your husband? Somehow she convinced me that things would be different. I was so desperate for a change I believed it was real. Once I was back it only lasted like that until she felt it was safe to slack off again. It wasn't even real affection for me. The only real change is that we now sleep in the same bed.
I don't know why I am so negative about this right now. I am not giving up yet. I think I'm just a little down, I still haven't heard back about the latest job prospect and now I'm thinking they don't want me. Nothing like the feeling of rejection in every aspect of your life to crush your spirit.
