Guys...chime in

[lovehimso]

I'm not a guy, but I'm chiming in because I have WAH still involved in an A, and I am finding this topic very interesting.

believe these women have the wrong impression based on how they perceive things... I have been, and also know numerous males that are having or have had affairs. I can't recall any of them being "in this pain" that women on here talk about so much.

In fact,I see it as quite the opposite... Most of them feel FREE.. They have not ONE, but TWO women vying for their attention and doing most anything to "win" him from the other woman. They are actually LOVING it. The woman who falls for the "pain" theory is in denial. He isn't in pain.. He feels OUT OF PAIN...... (until of course, one of the women wise up and take back their dignity...)(hint, hint, read Kalni's thread and see when her WS suddenly woke up)

Gucci, I find your take on this interesting. You've posted on my thread something very similar, and I do believe you are right, that on some level most men eat this sh** up.

For my benefit, could you clarify for me what you mean by "in pain"? Are you saying that men involved in affairs no longer feel the pain of rejection, let's say, by their wives? And does that mean they no longer care that their wife rejected them because they have someone else meeting their needs? I just want to make sure I'm on the same page with you, because I am really trying to understand my WAH.

(After I started reading through what I had written before posting, I think I am catching on to what you are saying. maybe they don't feel this "pain" anymore because all of a sudden, their wife, who was the cause of the pain before, now becomes contrite and has suddenly become this person willing to bend over backwards in order to please her WAH and "win him back". Am I on the right track here?)

Personally, in my situation, I do believe my H was in an incredible amount of pain before he began his A. Pain caused by me. Pain that went on for a long time. And if I am to believe (and I know I probably should not) what he says and does, he appears to still be struggling with something, whether it be that same pain, or just a decision about what he really wants out of the rest of his life.

It seems to me, from what my H has said to me (and my H has a tendency to be brutally honest, even when it would behoove him not to be), that part of his struggle right now is whether or not to trust his heart to me again. Maybe that's not an indication that he's still in pain, but only that he remembers what that pain felt like and doesn't want to experience it again.

I also can see that H doesn't appear to be very happy. Someone who knows him very well has agreed with me that he acts very depressed, and he has confided in this person, as well as me, that the R with the OW isn't "all that".

I'm not really sure what my point here is. I guess I'm just wondering, from a guy's point of view, whether or not once a man gets involved in an A, it means he just doesn't care anymore about what drove him to it in the first place, and only feels the pleasure of having two women vying for his attention, like you said.

I don't doubt what you say about the feeling of freedom; I do believe my H is enjoying that and that is probably the main reason he keeps telling me he needs "space". He doesn't want the pressure to give up that freedom. Which is why I don't think he's in any hurry to divorce me in order to commit to the OW. But he's not in any hurry to come back to me, either.

Just out of curiosity, are there any other WAHs here? All the guys seem to be LBSs. I know the majority of people here are LBSs, but of the WA, they seem to be mostly women.