Also, I really try, I swear I do but I cannot understand how letting go will help me keep my hope alive. I am afraid if I let go, then he just keeps drifting further and further away.
Here's the thing... Do you really think your husband cares if you have hope or not? Can he even tell? Do you think he will change what he does if you hope or don't hope?
I think the answer is 'No' to all those questions. Husband may, over time drift away or he may come to his senses and move closer. We cannot know. But the point is that he will do that whether you hope or not!
Your hope will not change <anything> with your R. But I tell you what your hope does... it makes you miserable. The Buddhist's say that the only reason we have pain and suffering is because we have unfulfilled wants and desires.
You want and desire to be with husband. You can't have it. So the hopes are unfullfilled and you are suffering.
Give up the hope to be with husband and the pain goes away. (Yes, I know, easier said than done. But I have done it).
The point is that you can give up hope and still DB! That's exactly what I'm doing and I feel great. I'm going to Retrouvaille this weekend. That is a huge R-building thing. Yet I don't have hope for a positive outcome.
That doesn't mean I'm sure it will fail. It just means I have <zero> expectations. If it turns out well, great. If it turns out badly, that is OK too. I sleep fine at night and have absolutely no apprehension heading into the weekend. My mind is at peace, but only because I've given up my wants and desires!
My thread, Carpe Diem #4 Orig Thread: Carpe Diem #1
