Indulging my stylish side....

[sage]

Cripes, Sage, I'm sorry! Have you forgiven your folks or are you still trying to deal with their foolish decisions/comments?

The never-ending question...

Strangely enough, I never overtly harbored anger at my father for what he did...all of my anger was directed at my mother....it was only when I went to therapy after finding out about h's a that I realized how much unspoken anger and hurt I had towards my dad...primarily for not protecting us from my mom...for "choosing" ow over me...I'm honestly not sure WHERE I am in that process right now...I've haven't been going to therapy that often lately -- been feeling like I needed a break.

As for mom, well, we've always had a stormy relationship...and I feel like I've tried many times over the last 2 decades to develop a more positive one with her...of course, I've spent far too much time thinking that she should change...I suppose I should DB with her!

But, actually, a few months before I found proof of h's a, I went out to lunch with mom..I wanted to understand her m and our relationship better. During that lunch she told me that she has been having an affair with a married man for a few years....she gave ALL the OW justification -- it's primarily the w's fault when the h strays (remember, this is a woman whose h -- my dad -- cheated on!), his wife must not care since she most certainly knows and hasn't done anything (note that OM and his wife have been married for 40+ years...), etc.

I'm sure it's not healthy and I'm sure it's based on the wrong reasons (as the BS) but I decided at that lunch that I just can't pursue a real r. with my mom at this time...she doesn't know about my h...(and never will!) but the simple truth is that I cannot deal with her justifications and lies.

From my perspective, I have (I think) forgiven my folks because I realize they were so lost in their own pain, they failed to see the affect it was having on everyone else around them. Although, to this day, they still behave foolishly...but that's because they choose to continue to repeat their painful patterns. I'm convinced they will die unhappy.

This seems wise.

I'm not sure where my forgiveness quest will end up...right now I must admit I'm focusing on me and my m instead of mom and dad. That feels ok.

Sage