Thank you Mojo for your 'random' thoughts. I do appreciate them.
I've seen OW as merely an object for a long time and in the last week or two have been getting better at seeing H like this.
You are right about the choices. However with my S16 I have been supporting his decision to live with his dad and it hasn't got me anywhere other than to see less and less of him. He only arrives on my doorstep when he wants something, usually money. Ok in one way as his parent that is what I am there for BUT I think it's important that he learns that it has to be a two way street b/c that is what life is all about.
The photographs are done, dusted and ordered. I have ordered a different one for the girls to give to H than the one I have ordered for myself. In the end I did choose one that had them and me in it b/c it was the nicest one and also I decided that I needed to show the girls (esp D13) that they do matter and that this isn't just about S16.
S16 has not been in touch and neither have I. This isn't a permanent thing on my behalf just long enough to show him that what he did hurt a lot and he has to learn that bad decisions incur unpleasant consequences. Interestingly D13 hasn't heard from H this week (he usually invites her for tea on a Monday night) so I'm guessing he is punishing me through her. Unfortunately for him she doesn't seem bothered that she hasn't been as all she does when she goes (in her words) is to watch/help H cook tea, play fight with S16, watch S16 and H play fight, eat tea and come home. He clearly isn't making any effort with her.
It's now been about 3 weeks since I last heard from his L. Considering I had to give them an answer in 24 hours as H is so desparate for his money you would think I'd have heard back just as quickly. It's peaceful when there is a lull like this but it also makes me nervous about what H might be cooking up next.
BM and TL thanks for your good wishes.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
Perhaps you should've requested 24 hour replies as well?
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." Peace Pilgrim
I'm so glad to read this hon!! it always made sad when you posted and sounded hopeless. I call it the "peace that surpasses all understanding". You are not at peace because all is fine and peachy but your peace was born among turmoil)))))))))))))))) I see he still favors his son over the girls, that's a shame.
Dont' get me started about the debt thing. I paid stbx his share of the house, enough to cover all his debts, he had savings at some point. Now MIL told me he said to her "well, the debts are racking up again"... she saw a huge engagement ring on gf and they keep buying video games, electronic gadgets and pets, i dont' think gf works. But whatever... it's his screwed up life.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Thanks for the hellos and hugs. Vali where have you been?????????
Quote:
You are not very familiar with the concept of 'degrees of caring'. Something either matters deeply to you or it does not matter at all. You feel threatened now by what you see as the possibility of losing something you need to keep. Yet there is no way you can lose such a thing. Ironically, if you cared a little less, you'd easily see that! You can't put your emotions away, nor should you. But you can trust, just a little more, that the gods of the heavens are smiling on you now. Because, for all that's crazy now, they are
This is my horoscope for tomorrow. Quite apt giving all that has been going on with S16. I did contact him today but not in a way that I think he is waiting for. D18 has moved flats at uni and sent me her new number and address so I forwarded it to S16. He hasn't replied but I expected that. He will be expecting me to ring him apologising but I'm not going to do that as he is the one who currently needs to do that. Tough love goes on a little longer.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
What does he think you did that you need to apologize for?
Well he sees me as a nagging mum but then don't all teenagers?
Well the plot thickens with H. Today I have finally received a letter from my L. I got very nervous opening it all to no avail. All it said was that she had faxed his L twice and left several messages and had heard nothing at all back! Just this one letter will have cost me about £30 by the time she has included the faxes and duplicates etc. So I rang her office and told her secretary that I am grateful for the information but not to keep on chasing but to let H do all the work. I don't see why I should have to pay to remind him that he does actually want a D and a large sum of equity!
Today I should have been at university. It snowed overnight (which we were expecting) so I got up early to take into consideration that public transport might take longer than normal. I got on the bus to the railway station at 7.45am. I got off it at 9.25pm after travelling no more than a mile! The roads were bad with the snow but the main problem was that several vehicles had broken down (including at least one bus) and then there had been at least one accident that was blocking the way of others. I reckon the tail back was probably at least 5 miles long. Before I got off the bus I phoned the uni to explain why I was going to be late and they told me that the staff who were taking the lectures today had not yet turned in either. So I made the decision to get off and try again later once the accident had been cleared. It took me just 10 mins to walk back to my house we had moved so little! A collegue of mine did get there (ironically b/c she was travelling even further than me and her train is normally always late and today it was on time!) and she later sent me a message saying not to bother trying again as they were all packing up and going home anyway. The lecturer did eventually turn up but not until it was nearly lunch time!
When I got home from my spell on the bus D13 told me she had had a TM from S16 asking her to pass a message onto me, which she did. Clearly he doesn't feel he can even text me at the moment so I don't expect to physically see him anytime soon.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
