You have come so far in the last year (and a half). You seem to be one of the few that has reconciled and are doing the hard work to make it succeed. Congratulations.
You know, I still remember the little mantra you gave me a year ago...
My wife is gone. I dont need my wife. But I want my wife.
My marriage is over. I dont need my marriage. But I want my marriage.
That one sure helped me out a lot. Thanks.
Even though my marriage failed, I am coming out all rosey now. And I am back to having fun in bed which means a lot to me (and my second brain).
I am glad that I played a small part in setting you off in right direction and that you are now finding some happiness, but remember all the hard work was done by you.
For me I was fortunate that W had her epiphany moment before w started on the road to a D and since then it's been hard work to get to where we are but its paying off. It still sometimes feels like a bad dream but the painful parts gets less and less and easier to deal with.
As I see it now the future is what I make it, so I have to make it good.
Happy birthday to me, I celebrated another birthday yesterday.
D7 woke me early and wished me a happy birthday and we went down and had breakfast together. W came down a short time later and sheepishly admitted that she had forgotten to buy me a birthday card. No problem, I said, but W proceeded to explain how things with the house, Christmas shopping and other things had distracted her and she totally forgot to buy me a card. In fact she went on about it so much that I politely had to tell her to drop the subject. To try and make up for it she did give me my Christmas card early instead of waiting for Christmas.
The plan for the day was to go into town to get me a present, W had promised to buy me a coat, and we would do a little more Christmas shopping then have a meal out. Well the shopping turned into an expedition to find W a party dress, my coat became a secondary item and we weren't able to find one. W did bought me a pair of shoes something else that I did need and I thanked her very much for that. As for the meal out, we skipped that cos the traffic would be bad later cos the football match was finishing soon and getting home would be a nightmare. So we settled for a Chinese take away and a bottle of wine and a cosy night in for the 3 of us.
As birthdays go, I've had better, I've had worse but I'm not going to complain bout anything I'm just gonna keep moving forward.
Wow !!!! more than a week since I last posted on my thread, I guess I'm still brooding over my birthday last week. I'm not big on birthdays, in fact now that I'm past forty I'm not really that fussed, could quite easily forget them. And it wasn't the fact that W didn't buy me a card from her or D7, I just got this feeling from her attitude that she didn't really care. I mean last year she went out of her way to buy a card and a present even though we weren't talking and she was ****ing with OM. Overall I have this feeling that something is missing in our R but I can't quite put my finger on it.
With all the above in mind I did a little test and respond, I kinda dropped the rope, adopted a more, lets say reserved attitude, and went a little bit dark on W. Well her response was quite interesting, instead of asking if there was anything wrong or inquiring about my well being. She just responded with the old anger and nit picking which hasn't been seen for a while, infact it was quite funny seeing her go out of her way to find something wrong and try to pin it on me.
Well at the moment I'm a bit tired being the one twisting and turning to keep this R going, I haven't put any effort in this week and I just got anger, when I work my butt off we only just stay on an even keel. So I am gonna have a think about how to move forward cos I've got to keep going in that direction. I was seriously thinking about bailing out but my divorced friend at work convinced me a D is not a good option , my only option is to keep persevering.
On a positive front I bumped into one of the guys from my GAL activities from last year and he's promised to hook me up with all their activities. So I gonna get back out and find me cos I was in danger of slipping into becoming a babysitter, housemaid and bill payer all the things which turned W away from me.
Hey Lan, sorry i missed your birthday. When i was in piecing as you may recall I was also doing all the work. i don't know the long term viability of that....actually i do , come to think of it. All i cans ay is the feeling that youa re the only one rowing gets pretty tiring after a while. you are a tough son of a gun for hanging on for so long. looks like your W is taking you for granted a little though. I hope you can find the strength to persevere mon ami!
Weary John, that's how I feel.. Actually I was hoping you would have come on and said "throw the towel in you've done enough" but I guess that's not how things are done around here.
Atmosphere is very cool tonight in the house, only 9.30pm and W is already in bed. She took the hump with me cos I didn't get home until 8pm. I had told her that I was going for a hair cut straight from work and I would be home @ 6.30pm no need to set dinner for me. But as I was that side of town I thought I'd drop in on my Mom for an hour. I didn't phone again cos it's only an additional hour, but when I got home it was a very frosty reception. I suspect W annoyed cos she had to deal with D7 this evening (that's normally my babysitting role).
Anyway Before she went to bed W did remind me that she would be out tomorrow evening with her Mom. All evening !! Not to worry I've got plans for me and D7 no point in wasting an evening together.
Sorry I forgot about your birthday but good its no big deal to you.
"... when I work my butt off we only just stay on an even keel." Some think this is "co-dependence" ... others "perseverance".
"I was in danger of slipping into becoming a babysitter, housemaid and bill payer all the things which turned W away from me." Some women "feel" this is "sexy" ... others get "turned off".
"So I gonna get back out and find me ..." Some think its "GAL" ... others say it leads to "separation and D".
If you speak to God-fearing people they think the man must be the "head of the house". Lan ... you are a thinker ... what's the right way?
Why would you think or hope I would say that? it is true that I sometimes hold back "around here" but I don't feel you are done trying. i have a bad feeling about your wife...she resembles my wife in the "final" days...going to bed early no nudge nudge etc.....brings back bad memories. only you know what you can and can not put up with and for how long. It almost seems that your W is pushing you to make the final decision...I hope I am wrong.
