Sophie, You are asking rational questions, re, lawyers counseling clients about the consequences of a pursuing a divorce. First, you must remember, if your h is truly in mlc, he's not rational and everything he's doing is being controlled by emotions, not sanity, not "smarts upstairs".
All the lawyers can do is counsel. The problem is if your h is really listening and hearing what he's being advised and the other thing that comes to mind is that there are some shady lawyers out there that recognize a person in crisis and will take them for every penny. Also, we don't know what your h has told his lawyer and that lawyer is going to do what your h has requested...even if he doesn't always agree w/what your h wants. I've been there and done all of this w/my xh and his crazy lawyer.
You must keep the focus on you and your children. You must keep your focus on what you need and keep your sanity about it all. This is now a business deal gone sour and you need to leave your heart at the door when dealing w/finances, etc. I know you felt terrible about what the responss where, but they didn't make one dent in what your h was feeling. The only time a dent will cause a reaction is when it affects the money in his wallet. They become very selfish, self-centered and money grubbing during all of this and will promise you the moon just to get you to agree w/what they want to do when it comes a divorce, etc. So, you need to start thinking of him as a stranger and do not expect him to be the way he once was. That man has been sealed up in a bottled and placed on a shelf on the Mother Ship for quite some time.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
