since I have access to her Cell phone bill aonline I know the affair is over she went from talking to her about 10 times a day to 4 times for the whole last month. She does live in Atlanta and we are in TX so I definetly think she had an awakening to some degree. Could it be she is fighting with the issue that she now knows what she has done to me. Should I still only comunicate with her when she initiates it or what do I do. Dont want to do the same mistakes from the past.I can tell in her eyes that she realizes now that she loves me but is still not ready to come home.At least thats what I think I see.I dont talk about the Affair or us at all so is hard to see whre she is at emotionally.Wish I could make sense of it all.
I really like all the good advice I am getting on here,I hope that I can pay back the favor to some of you all and can shed some light to some of the situations out there from my perspective.
I was under the impression she was still active with the other woman. If your intel shows that has stopped, then I would change my advice to "go very slowly; expect nothing, give nothing" until you begin to rebuild trust.
I still, however, feel that the placating/pleasing/rescuing behavior will be more of a turn-off to her than it will be attractive.
Yeah she pretty much has it almost cut off dont know about this month bill yet but acording to last months she almost went cold turkey but she is still very reluctant to alk to me. I think she woke up and realized what she was doing but is not coming home,but tells me and not with words hold the divorce but i am not saying i am coming home.It takes time and if I dont come home on my own it wont be right. I dont know sometimes,but last weekend definetly made me believe that she might be coming around,just dont know how to act now
Hey Puppy I have a thought!! Could it be the small conversations we have here and there and the flirting the other and sex with me is what she needs every now and then to satisfy her needs but she is still convinced that she dont love me no more its just hard for her to cut me off all the way. Just a thought and I know we tend o analyze everything to death and read to much into it. Just worried about this if those are signs of her wanting to come home and I mak a serious mistake since this DB ing is like a Puzzle that at the beinning looks ery hard but s the pieces come together can actually be something very beautiful
Hey Puppy I have a thought!! Could it be the small conversations we have here and there and the flirting the other and sex with me is what she needs every now and then to satisfy her needs but she is still convinced that she dont love me no more its just hard for her to cut me off all the way.
Certainly. What YOU need to decide is, are the crumbs enough?
This is why I'm such a nazi about "no-contact." Because WITHOUT it, that "convinced" thing you wrote is almost just as certain. Just ask Sandi or WDID -- they will tell you that the OM/OW contact messes with your head, and your conviction of reality. Until your wife has ended ALL contact with her lover, she's not going to be receptive to you emotionally. Waywards tend to go by FEELINGS -- they sleep with (or find companionship with) their OM/OW, and then they sleep with (or find companionship with) their spouse, and they "compare feelings." They are looking to see if they still feel "IT" with their spouse, and when they don't, they convince themselves it's because they must have never really loved them, which is bullchit. It's just the brain chemicals messing with their head.
For once I'm a little in disagreement with Puppy (sorry dude). Since your wife is largely done with OW and does seem to be coming to you more, I don't think giving her nothing is the answer. She will get lonely for OW and probably pick it back up if you are completely out of the picture. That being said, I agree with Puppy that you need to take it slow. Let her do the work of initiating. I really don't see a problem with the icecream or blizzard or whatever it was because it was a sweet gesture...but don't make a habit of being this little puppy dog that comes running when she has some itch that needs scratched. Many of these times don't take the bait. Have something else you are doing. Be in the middle of your own life and can't talk long and can't come over. Every other time turn down the invite (or make her reschedule) because you have something else going on. But really do have something else. Keep busy. Get out. Have fun. Let her have some of you in increments, if you know what I mean.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
Oh, I love little gestures -- I just think they should be ones that GARRY does proactively. Not in response to his wife's pouty honey-do requests. Just showing up with a pint of her favorite ice cream, or her favorite mocha from Starbucks or something is GREAT. I just want him to start learning to ACT, and not REact -- especially if it's reacting to a request of hers to "rescue" her from some dilemna, large or small, that goes to the heart of her waywardness. I think she needs to feel some of that stuff.
Some good advice. I know when I go dark on her she comes looking for the light switch its just hard for me trying to figure out what to do when she does.Its as she knows all she has to do mess with my head a lilttle bit and then withdraw and she knows she got me where she wants me. I had no clue I loe this women so much. This is the same woman that over 10 yrs ago tried to commit suicide over me becaue we had an argument over a pager number(Yes that long ago) she kicked me out of the house. Then found out she was wrong and i was mad and didnt come home for 10 days.What happened its like she now knows I wont do nothing wrong and wait for her on han and feet at home and she can walk all over me. Why do I know that is going on but cant change it. Its like I am not the same person no more. Was I that confident in my marriage that it hit me so hard that I can not get up and shake this and show her that this will not be tolerated no more. Not having any friends makes this really hard not too many peops I can talk to. also cut off anybody I did talk to since everyone tells me to leave her and move on.Well enough chatter but ha to get some off my chest sorry bout that. I am seriously thinking about letting her initiate all contact and leave it at that,very good advice
