Quote: Kitti -- h is 36. He'll be going part time (ha! Have you looked at a law school schedule? Part time is like full time with 1 class missing!). It'll take 4 years...slightly less if he goes during the summer.
hmmm, so realistically he wont start "lawyering" until 40? kewlness!!! i might have hubby look into this
Quote: Your sitch reminds me a lot (!!!) of mine. I have a feeling we'll be seeing you over in Piecing in the not too distant future!
oh gosh, i hope your right sage, you would know eh? if you see the similarities and you can see hope, well then, i am gonna add that to my pma bank and HOLD IT!!!
Quote: I made the decision early on to forgive my husband but it hasn't been a black and white process...I find that forgiving him (and frankly, myself) has been an ongoing thing...I'll strip away layers of resentment and anger and plateau and coast for a while...and then something will happen that will result in an unforgiving thought popping up in my head and I'll realize that I still have a ways to go....
ok, in my sitch, i SHOCKED myself when i told my H the day he dropped the bomb that "we could work this out" - in essense i was telling him "i can forgive you" - but i didn't realize at the time that i gave him NO hope to assume that was even true based on earlier experiences. now, i really feel i am on the road to forgiveness mainly because i don't feel that ACHE whenever i think about the sitch. i just ALWAYS am thinking about how i can make our R better. how i can SHOW him that i know i have contributed to the pain he had and how i am CHANGING for the better. every once in a while i think about them "doing it" or something - and i get this knot in my stomach, but i have learned how to apply the STOP sign and not focus on it.
Quote: does that make sense?
by all means yes
Quote: It IS funny that this should come up now because JUST this morning I realized that I am able to view h. as a wonderful man who did a not wonderful thing. This actually felt like a big thing to me.
it is quite funny, because in all the research i have done about this, it seems that you just wake up one morning with PEACE about the situation and then you know forgiveness has taken place. maybe you are there???
Quote: As for what h knows or doesn't...I have told him a couple of times that I did not think that the a. was unforgivable...that I thought our m. could survive it. I don't know if I've actually said "I've forgiven you".
that is what i needed to know. my next question is then - do you think he knows???
Quote: My h and I don't actually talk much about our R. The few R talks we've had since the bomb have been poorly timed and have actually caused some backsliding. I think we're still very much in the "strengthening" phase...eventually I think (and hope) that we'll figure out positive ways to talk about stuff but I don't think we'll ever be big talkers as far as the r. goes.
all the more reason i should just keep my mouth SHUT - and let the positives KEEP happening and bide my time - maybe we will NEVER talk about our R but maybe we don't need to either
thanks so much sage for insight and taking the time to answer questions
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now sage, i sit here and i am in tears about your family sitch. that was so unkind of your folks to involve you and your siblings in the uglyness of divorce. that is one of the FOREMOST reasons i hang on, i don't want the kids to suffer. i will sacrafice ANYTHING for my kids. my folks were divorced when i was three, but that wasn't hard, it was growing up with constantly hearing "your father is such a jerk - he never sends child support, he is nothing but trash, yada yada yada" and this from my sister and my mother. ugh - no wonder my distrust in men eh??? {{{sage}}}
