dealing with infidelity after R

[Scotsman]

exactly Gary. There's story after story on here about failed R's because contact was still happening. For you, why put forth the mental, physical and emotional effort into improving things when they will always be sabbotaged by the ongoing contact? It's unreasonable for anyone (your wife) to expect otherwise from you. You have had enough pain already, it's time to focus on protecting and healing yourself. If your wife wants to join you on that journey then all the better, as long as she is motivated by "you" and "you and her" and not "him" and "her and him". You deserve far better.