"The DR book says experiment and see what happens. So, don't we have to interpret the results of the experiment?"
I think what's confusing is the goal-setting process. MWD mentions that your goals should be very clear, finite, attainable, and measurable. Interpretation of the results should go no further than a simple "yes" or "no" answer. I've struggled with ethereal goals myself, but if you break it down to simple actions like:
have her/him email me back
make her/him smile
have her/him schedule the next in-person meeting
...all the while keeping an eye on the big picture of ultimately reconciling, your journey will be that much more effective.
Small bite-sized pieces...celebrate the small wins as if they're large ones...stay the course...energize yourself with GAL activities and sustain high PMA...move upwards and onwards!
Quote:
"Another thing I find confusing, the DR book says that we can change others, that we do it all the time. If we change how we behave, they may change how they react. Yet we tell each other on this board that we can only change ourselves."
I don't see a contradiction in what you just mentioned. We can only change ourselves and how we react to our WAS, but by doing so we increase the likelihood of them reacting positively to our changes. Nothing's guaranteed in life, but we can certainly increase our odds tremendously!
You ARE tougher than you think you are! Search where you were 4 months ago and compare it to who you are now...huge strides that only the strong can make. We just get bogged down looking at the road directly in front of us. I like that quote from "Enter the Dragon"..."It is like a finger pointing away to the moon. Do not concentrate on the finger or you will miss all that heavenly glory."
- Me = 32 y/o - WAW = 32 y/o - M = 2.5 yrs, T = 12.5 yrs - No kids - Bomb, WAW moved out, D filed = 8/15/08
