Indulging my stylish side....

[sage]

deb made some points in my thread about forgiveness, and since we have similar sitches, i was just wondering if there was a specific point at which you realized deep down that you had forgiven your h, or have you even gotten to that point?

if you have gone past the forgiveness part, does your H know that you forgave him? if so, how did he deduce that? did you come right out and tell him or by your actions he knew?

kitti

Kitti,

Hijack away!

I made the decision early on to forgive my husband but it hasn't been a black and white process...I find that forgiving him (and frankly, myself) has been an ongoing thing...I'll strip away layers of resentment and anger and plateau and coast for a while...and then something will happen that will result in an unforgiving thought popping up in my head and I'll realize that I still have a ways to go....

does that make sense?

It IS funny that this should come up now because JUST this morning I realized that I am able to view h. as a wonderful man who did a not wonderful thing. This actually felt like a big thing to me.

As for what h knows or doesn't...I have told him a couple of times that I did not think that the a. was unforgivable...that I thought our m. could survive it. I don't know if I've actually said "I've forgiven you".

My h and I don't actually talk much about our R. The few R talks we've had since the bomb have been poorly timed and have actually caused some backsliding. I think we're still very much in the "strengthening" phase...eventually I think (and hope) that we'll figure out positive ways to talk about stuff but I don't think we'll ever be big talkers as far as the r. goes.

Sage