AN, Take it slowly, my friend...don't get ahead of yourself - and try to keep some of those expectations in check...As you said, detachment is the tough part - hell, it's the most painful thing I've been through in my life - but it can be so very necessary. My wife and SmartCookie have a lot in common as well - particularly in terms of the pain they suffered in the past - and reading through SmartCookie's posts have constantly helped me be more compassionate toward my wife.
One of the things that often seems to get lost on this site - is that even the WAS feels pain. What they're doing is just as confusing to them as it is to us - though we often just get exposed to the PMA/GAL that they put in front of us...which may be why it's so very vital to respond to that PMA with our own PMA.
When I read your thoughts, it concerns me that you're still pursuing your W and not realizing it - in that - if you go out on a date, it has to be for YOU - not for getting her back or fixing your marriage...I don't think you can date in order to detach - it just seems like it would not feel right - and would just be unfair to the other person.
I'm at the point now where I'm opening up to the possibility of dating (we had been sleeping apart since June - and then she moved out in November) - but I don't want to date someone just to make my wife notice - she'll most likely pick up on that strategy right away - and it will backfire in a big way. There are plenty of ways to stay mysterious - and there are plenty ways to do 180s and GAL that aren't motivated by sending a message to your W - but rather by a firm commitment to bettering yourself - and rediscovering or reconnecting with some lost part of you.
Until my wife moved out, I had no idea how much of me I had lost - and how much of that self I had obscured from view by focusing on my resentment toward my wife instead...now she's not here, I have myself to look at - and am getting a hell of a lot more clarity than I would have wished for at times.
I just picked up a copy of Divorce Remedy from the bookstore - the copy I had before was from the library - and I read it over four months ago...and figure it's time to reread it...and, with her out of the house, it's almost like reading a completely different book...as though I had to detach from my preconceptions enough to read the book with more of an open mind.
Just be cautious about MC - in my case, going to MC made things much, much worse...perhaps because my W needed IC first...I'm still going to someone myself, though I don't think my wife is.
