sage your positives are more than positives they are down right awesome!!!
something to note about this piecing business...we (the lbs or betrayed spouse) spend so much damn time and energy worrying about what's wrong and getting stuck in the muck that we often overlook the efforts our s are making...when we let go of all that garbage (as you have now done an excellent job of) they seem to step it up even more.
Quoting sage: 3. He read me a bunch of stories from a book he was reading. There is something VERY sexy about my h. reading to me..
Is this a common "turn-on" with the ladies here?
I know that MY wife loves when I read to her, could be even just the newspaper! This could be a great tip for the guys here for something that THEY can try!
DO make yourself a great weekend, sage! Sounds like it's already off to a good start!!
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
Quote: Is this a common "turn-on" with the ladies here?
I know that for me it isn't neccesarily h reading something to me but more the idea of him wanting to share something with me that is the turn on. guess it just get's in to the whole "women need the emotional connection for the sexual" mumbo jumbo...but then again watching my h climb up a tree with his spikes and strap it up to be cut down is a big turn on too. guess it depends on what you mean by "turn on"..if it's reference to sexual thing..well then the tree climbing is more like it...the reading or sharing is more of an emotional connection fuzzy feeling that makes me go awww...while the other makes me go rrrrmmm rmmmmm.
Quoting kewlkitti: your husband is STARTING law school? can i ask, how old he is? i always thought this would be one profession my husband would EXCEL in
kitti
Kitti -- h is 36. He'll be going part time (ha! Have you looked at a law school schedule? Part time is like full time with 1 class missing!). It'll take 4 years...slightly less if he goes during the summer.
Your sitch reminds me a lot (!!!) of mine. I have a feeling we'll be seeing you over in Piecing in the not too distant future!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
sage, sorry to hijack your thread, and i have been doing a lot of reading on your sitch but haven't quite come to this point yet
deb made some points in my thread about forgiveness, and since we have similar sitches, i was just wondering if there was a specific point at which you realized deep down that you had forgiven your h, or have you even gotten to that point?
if you have gone past the forgiveness part, does your H know that you forgave him? if so, how did he deduce that? did you come right out and tell him or by your actions he knew?
Quoting Jamesjohn: Is this a common "turn-on" with the ladies here?
I know that MY wife loves when I read to her, could be even just the newspaper! This could be a great tip for the guys here for something that THEY can try!
I think LL hit it on the head...it's really the sharing part that makes it so sexy to me Partly that he's sharing what he's interested in (in this case it was sports writing) and partly that he's sharing what could be his "alone" time (even though I'm sitting right next to him). By connecting with me in lieu of just sitting there reading solo...VERY giving of himself.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Quote: in the background was the feeling that I've "always" had that my h was going to cheat on me and leave me....this has all kinds of tentacles back into my childhood and my own crappy thought process, etc, etc. I was angry A LOT of the time...well, angry and worried.
Jeez, Sage, this sounds so much like me it's freaky. For years I've had nightmares about my W cheating on me...my worst fear. I suppose my focus on this caused the universe to make it a reality. Also, the anger and worry. Can I assume your parents are D'd, and thus you have fears of abandonment, and need to control your environment since you had no control when you were younger? This is my personal dynamic.
Quoting LL:guess it depends on what you mean by "turn on"
So, a guy who straps on spikes, climbs to the top of a tree to do a poetry reading will cover all bases???
Quoting kewlkitti: deb made some points in my thread about forgiveness, and since we have similar sitches, i was just wondering if there was a specific point at which you realized deep down that you had forgiven your h, or have you even gotten to that point?
if you have gone past the forgiveness part, does your H know that you forgave him? if so, how did he deduce that? did you come right out and tell him or by your actions he knew?
kitti
Kitti,
Hijack away!
I made the decision early on to forgive my husband but it hasn't been a black and white process...I find that forgiving him (and frankly, myself) has been an ongoing thing...I'll strip away layers of resentment and anger and plateau and coast for a while...and then something will happen that will result in an unforgiving thought popping up in my head and I'll realize that I still have a ways to go....
does that make sense?
It IS funny that this should come up now because JUST this morning I realized that I am able to view h. as a wonderful man who did a not wonderful thing. This actually felt like a big thing to me.
As for what h knows or doesn't...I have told him a couple of times that I did not think that the a. was unforgivable...that I thought our m. could survive it. I don't know if I've actually said "I've forgiven you".
My h and I don't actually talk much about our R. The few R talks we've had since the bomb have been poorly timed and have actually caused some backsliding. I think we're still very much in the "strengthening" phase...eventually I think (and hope) that we'll figure out positive ways to talk about stuff but I don't think we'll ever be big talkers as far as the r. goes.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Partly that he's sharing what he's interested in (in this case it was sports writing) and partly that he's sharing what could be his "alone" time (even though I'm sitting right next to him). By connecting with me in lieu of just sitting there reading solo...VERY giving of himself.
Also, the anger and worry. Can I assume your parents are D'd, and thus you have fears of abandonment, and need to control your environment since you had no control when you were younger? This is my personal dynamic.